Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Are Not On the Rocks…Really!

US Magazine is reporting that other gossip magazines are lying (shocker) and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are doing fine. US has bolstered its story of bad tabloids and their untrue tales with a quote from the Brad’s rep that "these magazines continue to write lies about our clients to sell magazines."

In other "news" Lindsay Lohan has a substance-abuse problem, Britney Spears is a hot mess, and polls show that Americans look forward to Fridays.

Carry on.

In Touch Weekly Shares Amazing Instant Weight-Loss Secret

We were actually surprised. This "exclusive" is apparently all about wearing the right clothes for your body, standing up straight, Spanx, etc.

Stars. Instant weight loss…

The first thing that popped into mind, after stylists of course, was crystal meth. Or maybe stylists AND crystal meth, the fastest route to sub-size-zero.

Next thing you know, the magazines are going to start telling us that the "secret" to weight loss is stop eating so much and get your ass in gear…and that, along with personal chefs, celebrity trainers, hours in the gym, and plastic surgery, is how the stars do it.

Hey! Wait a minute. That’s the Jessica Simpson story.

Britney Spears Wants to Dress Like Katie Holmes

Britney Spears is in dire need of a makeover, so it is with great pleasure that we pass along a report of some progress in the style department.

It’s about time Brit Brit dresses like a rich lady!

According to In Touch Weekly, Spears met with a personal shopper last week and told her she was interested in “the kind of stuff Katie Holmes wears.”

Before the afternoon was up, Britney spent a whopping $32,849 on designer duds. Her new purchases included three Chanel handbags, shoes by Manolo Blahnik, silk shirts by old time luxury designers like Oscar De La Renta, Valentino and Yves Saint Laurent, and underwear from La Perla and Cosabella. “She wants to go from trashy to classy,” says a friend of the singer.

Baby steps, right?

Certainly, money has never been the issue for Britney, so it makes sense that she consult a professional and buy some duds better suited her international superstar status.

Let’s just watch to see if a) she wears the stuff and wears it well, and b) she fastens it properly.

A nip slip is still a nip slip, no matter what your shirt cost.