Please Don’t Fart

If you were the one stretching, what would you be thinking about?

Michael Phelps is Dating Nicole Johnson

Michael Phelps was spotted Thursday at LAX with Nicole Johnson, the 2007 Miss California USA runner-up, after they returned from Baltimore. It wasn’t long ago that everyone wanted to know who Phelps was dating, now few people even care.

This Commercial is About Insurance

I’m betting Geico is wishing they had thought of this ad first.

Jimmy Smits Nearly Killed a Stunt Man

Jimmy Smits stabbed a stuntman for real on the set of Dexter. Smits grabbed a real knife instead of a prop knife during shooting, and plunged it into stuntman Jeff Chase.

Chase was only saved by a piece of plastic placed over his heart, which Smits miraculously hit. Chase said:

"For the scene, I was bound in Saran Wrap, duct tape over my mouth. I couldn’t say a thing as I saw Jimmy grab at the knife. He picked up the real one by pure mistake. It was a mean looking knife."

"I heard fellow actor Michael C. Hall yelling at Jimmy to stop, but it was too late. I felt the thud in my chest. I didn’t have on a metal breast plate like a lot of actors do in a scene like that."

"Instead I had a piece of acrylic clear plastic about the size of a Post-it note over my heart. It was a quarter of an inch thick and not attacked. In eight out of 10 takes with the prop knife, Jimmy had missed the plastic. But by a miracle, an act of God, the knife landed at the very edge of the plastic."

"I really thought I’d been stabbed in the heart, but I didn’t have a scratch. Jimmy was devastated and couldn’t stop apologizing. I told him, I felt more sorry for him than me."

Amazingly lucky. Wear the metal breast plate next time. Luck is no substitute for safety.

Why was there a real knife near the fake knife?

Shannen Doherty Tries to be Sexy

Shannen Doherty (37) has a jug of juice between her legs, and she’s wearing lingerie. I don’t get it. Is she supposed to be sexy. Why is she in a cheap hotel room with lingerie on? Is she supposed to be a thirsty hooker? I’d also like to know if she’s related to Pete Doherty, because if she is, that would explain everything.