In a story that makes The Hoff getting custody of his kids seem normal, The Bosh is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is in negotiations to play Paris Hilton in a movie about her life. We’ll give you a minute to wipe down the Coke that just came out of your nose. Cue the circus music, as Britney Spears is also possibly connected to the project.

A source told the Daily Mail, "There have already been negotiations with a major film company to make the Paris Hilton biopic with Lindsay Lohan playing Paris – with Britney Spears singing the soundtrack."

Though Paris and Lindsay have been rivals off and on for some time now, the source said that "Paris was on cloud nine” about the project. According to the snitch, who was likely calling from a mental institution, “Rather than talking remorsefully about her time [in jail, Paris] seemed energized by her plans to capitalize on her experience."

This story has about as much credibility as Paris Hilton being drug-free, but we love it all the same. Stay tuned for more news on the biopic, which we can only hope will be called "The Devil Wears Nada."

Monday, wire reports said that the World War II movie "Valkyrie" would not be allowed to film on German military sites because its star, Tom Cruise, is a Scientologist. Now the German government has reconsidered, deciding that the story of high ranking German officers attempting to assassinate Adolph Hitler was important because it’s a rare positive portrayal of Germans during the war. ABC.com says:

The German ministry now says that, while it hasn’t received an official request from "Valkyrie" producers to shoot in the country, it would "look agreeably" upon any such application.

The source of the "Valkyrie" controversy seems to have stemmed from a posting on the Web site of conservative German member of parliament Antje Blumenthal. Blumenthal posted a statement Friday claiming that Defense Minister Franz-Josef Jung had pledged to her that Cruise would not get permission to shoot because of the purported danger posed by his Scientology.

"Valkyrie" is being praised as one of the "too few examples of military opposition to Hitler’s regime."

"The assassination attempt against Hitler is hardly known outside Germany," Fisser said. "We should therefore be delighted and welcome this wonderful opportunity to improve the image of our country."

German wimps. Just when you think someone will stand up for their beliefs and say, "we will not allow dwarfs into our culture", they wimp out. Think Jesse Jackson had anything to do with this? Sure smells like it. Actually now that I take a few seconds to think about it, David Hasselhoff probably made one little phone call. The Germans might be hoping Tom Cruise will use his Scientology powers to go back in time to smoke that Hitler dude and change the time line. It’ll never happen though, because if Cruise did take Hitler out, then Cruise himself will never be born. Hmmm, sounds like a win-win.

Last week, when David Hasselhoff won custody of his daughters, he was seen out on the town celebrating victory, with a new gal on his arm.

But, apparently at least one press story documenting his gallivanting went too far for the Hoff’s liking.

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Hoff’s publicist, Judy Katz, says that Hoff wants a "prominent apology from ‘The Sun’ tabloid over an article titled ‘David’s Back on the Sway.’" The article, which has since been removed from its website, claims that Dave celebrated his court victory by "getting completely plastered" at Les Deux nightclub in Hollywood.

According to the statement, "Mr. Hasselhoff emphatically denies the allegations," adding that if he doesn’t get a heartfelt apology soon, "proceedings will begin next week in London’s High Court for defamation of character, and there will be a Jury Trial in 2008, at which time he looks forward to clearing his name."

This is probably a slam-dunk for Hasselhoff, but that drunken video isn’t going anywhere. His reputation has been safely established.