Above is the new Hilary Duff song Reach Out, which is essentially a remake of the Depeche Mode song Personal Jesus below.

Lame.

Looks like Duff doesn’t have any original ideas. Just retire.

Hilary Duff has a role in a new movie called War, Inc. in which she plays a slutty Russian POP star named Yonica Babbyeah. How did Lindsay Lohan miss out on this part? I think the animal protection people had concerns that Lindsay might give the scorpion a disease that could cause it to die when she put it in her pants, so they had to go with Hilary instead.

Hilary Duff and Hayley Duff were in Houston, Texas today after a hearing in their parents’ divorce case. The paparazzi want a shot of the sisters as the walked down a hallway, and a guy who appeared to be an attorney started beating down a paparazzi who tried to get by him. A sheriff deputy walking right beside him said and did nothing. Hilary started swearing and calling the paparazzi a pathetic loser after he made it around the attorney. I’m not a fan of the paparazzi, but at least they’re trying to earn a living, and we all love seeing the pictures they take. The Duff sister’s mom went out to Los Angeles with them to help them build a career, while dad stayed back on the ranch. Now it looks like the time apart has caused the Duff sisters’ parents to get a divorce. It’s a sad day. Who do you think they were in court to support, mom or dad?

Despite all the difficulties, the paparazzi still got the shot. Why so abrasive? It’s not like the photog was going to give anyone a shot in the arm. Are the Duff girls divas?

Miley Cyrus was on Much Music when she got a surprise phone call from Hilary Duff, and Miley could not believe it! It’s so cool to see such a big star be star struck herself.

It might not sound like earth shattering news to hear that Hilary Duff gave her boyfriend, New York Islanders center Mike Comrie, a lap dance in a bar the other night, but it is. This is like saying Disney will be making X rated films. The Sun reports:

Hilary Duffs fans were left shocked after witnessing the star performing a lap dance over the weekend. The pretty actress treated her ice hockey star boyfriend to the saucy performance at exclusive New York hot spot Tenjune. A partygoer said: "Hilary was having a wild night, drinking Veuve Clicquot straight out of the bottle. She looked nothing like the sweet little Lizzie Maguire she once was as she treated Mike to a series of raunchy lap dances. The place was packed but Hilary didn’t mind."

Alcohol causes women to make more testosterone, which in turn makes them very horny, and easy. Hilary is proud to say she never had sex with Joel Madden, and perhaps that’s because she didn’t drink when they were together. Nicole Richie drinks and look what a slut she turned out to be. Imagine the headache Nicole had when she woke up one morning to find out she was pregnant with Joel’s baby. It’s kind of like having an alien suddenly pop out of your chest, covered in tattoos, just like daddy.