Jennifer Aniston surfing in Hawaii really takes my mind off all the depressing news that came out today. I wonder if that instructor knows that sperm attracts sharks.

Jim Carrey might be known for his zany sense of humor, but girlfriend Jenny McCarthy appears to be dead serious about her body. TMZ posted this photo of her on a recent vacation with Jim in Hawaii. McCarthy has admitted to using Weight Watchers to help her lose the baby weight she gained after having her son. Can you imagine being an overweight, suburban mom who can’t fit into her size 14 jeans and this skinny beeyatch shows up? I’m surprised they didn’t beat her, tie her up, and force her to eat a gallon of Chubby Hubby.

Some guy went to the very place Bear Grylls defied death when he crossed a terrifying crevice in Hawaii, and that guy tried the same stunt and succeeded without dying, despite the warning "don’t try this at home." It’s true that Bear’s skills are assisted with careful planning, and camera angles, that hide the fact there are cars driving by only feet away, but it’s still scary. He could have tripped over a shoe lace or something.

Nick Nolte was at the Kauai Airport this week having a little trouble staying awake. Here’s more:

These photos taken by one of Nolte’s fellow passengers, who told TMZ that the incoherent actor drifted in and out of consciousness on the airport floor for more than two hours Monday night, after their flight was delayed because of engine problems.

According to the source, Nolte was still extremely friendly despite his groggy state — chatting with fans and allowing passengers to snap photos, however, he wasn’t entirely functional. "At one point we helped him put a dollar in the vending machine."

What’s wrong with a harmless and homeless looking drunk drooling and rolling around on the floor of the airport waiting area passing the time while his plane gets fixed? It’s not like Nick was flying the plane, and it’s hard to imagine how he drove himself to the airport. I’m not even sure he was getting on the plane at all. Maybe he just wandered into the airport so he could get a snack from the vending machine. Normally Nick is laying in the gutter next to his mansion, peeing on his neighbor’s flowers, and puking in the sandbox at the kiddy park. I’d say this was a pretty good day for Nick.

It’s almost not even fun any more, this documenting of the amazing and inspiring transformation of Paris Hilton from cavorting as a typical Hollywood girl-gone-wild to making a difference as an altruistic, party-eschewing, drug-avoider. Yup. No fun.

Guess being the new-and-improved Paris isn’t fun for her either. Page Six has the cannabis dirt:

Although she told Larry King she’d never done drugs, the newly spiritual heirhead emerged from an SUV in front of Hollywood club Teddy’s the other night in what witnesses describe as a cloud of marijuana smoke. "She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face," one clubgoer told us. At least she wasn’t driving. Hilton’s camp didn’t get back to us.

What a lady. And we thought the shots of Patron were something. Gone are the relatively peaceful Hawaii days, where she tried to keep her nightlife under cover.

Aloha.