Catherine Zeta-Jones knew what she wanted out of life and it was more than ostentatious hair treatments. The girl can drive a hard bargain.

When she was dating Michael Douglas, she was firm about her desire for a family. The Mirror reports:

Catherine, 37, said: "I turned to him and asked, ‘Do you really want children?’ I thought for one minute he was going to say, ‘I already have a son, Cameron.’

"I would then have had to say goodbye. I remember saying defiantly, ‘I can’t live without having children’. And he went, ‘Me too’," she added in an interview with Parade magazine.

Perhaps she thought that was her escape clause. Something along the lines of "Sorry, you face-lifted old man, I would love to marry you, but I’m young, gorgeous and I want a beautiful family."

Unfortunately for the glossy-haired Zeta-Jones, the cruel trick of human physiology is that even mummified men can impregnate their wenches and silence the ticking of the biological clock. And some have the ego to want to.

Playing catch with the kiddies? That’s another story.

Rumors are flying that Tom Cruise is not happy with the Posh situation and that he and Katie Holmes are fighting about her close relationship with the British swizzle stick.

They say he’s not happy that Katie cut her hair into that cute bob, at the urging of Victoria Beckham. He has said that he prefers long hair.

Apparently he doesn’t like Katie’s new BFF guiding her wardrobe choices, either, and frankly who can blame him. Who wants their wife to morph into a PoshTart?

Tom, make up your mind! You either want a moldable young companion or you don’t.

When she allowed you to start calling her Kate and to provide an escort any time she left the house, you probably thought her receptiveness to direction was "cute" and "handy"…perhaps even "helpful to your career."

Getting all ticked because you’re not the only Svengali in town? Please. Live by the sword. Die by the sword, my friend.

The movers pick up the Beckham’s cleats and corsets Wednesday and they’ll soon be your neighbors. The British invasion has just begun.

Goody! Bet cutie-pie Suri can’t wait.

It had been widely reported that Paris Hilton had been seen at Les Deux in Hollywood this weekend.

TMZ has a picture of her climbing into an SUV that night.

OK! Magazine has details of the wild night on the town and it doesn’t sound like she’s curtailed her drinking and hooking up.

“Paris was dancing away on the black-leather cushions of her booth, along with her friends and Nicky,” another witness adds. “She looked really happy to be free from the confines of that tiny jail cell.” And Paris wasted no time in getting wasted, both sources tell OK!. She ordered and downed two shots of Jaegermeister within her first 10 minutes there…

"By the time Paris got ready to leave, she was pretty drunk,” the eyewitness tells OK!. "Toward the end of the night, she was sitting on the top edge of her booth, making-out with a dark-haired guy who was sporting a couple days growth of beard. While they kissed, Paris was holding up a brown fedora hat, and they were kissing behind the hat, so people couldn’t see. But still, sitting up high like that on the back of her booth, with 200 people clamoring to watch her every move, if she was trying to be coy, it didn’t work!”

Tequila shots? Sucking face with an apparent stranger?

Ahhhh…we knew the old Paris would prevail over the Saintly Paris promoted during her whirlwind, philosophy-spouting, not-so-mea-culpa, post-jail media tour.

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It’s official. Catherine Zeta-Jones has too much money.

She doesn’t eat the expensive caviar (or the equally pricey accompanying truffles) to add shine to her gorgeous hair.

Oh no, that would be too common.

According to the Daily Mail:

The Beluga caviar is apparently flown in from Iran five days ahead of her treatments at a beauty salon in South Kensington.

"Catherine discovered the caviar treatment last summer and was astounded by the difference it made to her hair," said a source.

"She has an incredibly rich and vibrant natural hair colour but the creamy, almost oily nature of caviar really brings this out, making the colour even richer and making it so much more glossy.

Mmmmm…..shiny.

Sure it works. Her hair is blindingly shiny. Almost as blinding as her overly whitened teeth.

But somewhere, there are rich people dealing with a shortage of caviar and truffles. Soon, an interest group will pop up, urging folks like Catherine to preserve the yummy fish eggs and stinky mushrooms and stop wasting them on their hair.

Until then, we’ll just have to shield our eyes when gazing upon Catherine’s super shiny presence. She’s like a stinky, oily angel, that Catherine.

Can you believe that Lance Bass was able to land such super hotness? The tanner one in the back is Lance’s new man. You can get a better look at his abs below. Smokin!

Pedro Andrade is quite a looker and the New York Daily News is reporting Bass is giddy about the prospect of residing in the same city as his main squeeze.

We hear ex-boybander Lance Bass is excited to move to New York for his Broadway debut in the exhilarating "Hairspray" because he’ll be in the same town as his new boyfriend, Pedro Andrade, a Brazilian model we’d like to see in a pushup contest with Bass’ Air Force ex Reichen Lehmkuhl. Bass debuted the new man July 4, sipping Ciroc vodka cocktails at the Estate in Sag Harbor.

Bass wins. The cocktail-quaffing-in-the-Hamptons debut of Andrade is so much cooler than Lehmkuhl’s cheek-kissing silliness of a few months back.

And that’s saying a lot.

C’mon, don’t get mad. We all know that Bass was never the coolest of the *N Syncers. Just as he was always the gayest.

Remember his boy-meets-girl-on-the-train movie? Mwah ha ha ha.

What a relief for believable cinema to have Lance out!