Passive Placid Companion Katie Holmes Has a Moment of Sanity

The picture speaks for itself.

It’s like they forgot to give Katie Holmes her sedative that morning and she’s come out of the fog at the most inopportune moment.

She is looking at him, with his weird Dieter haircut, as if seeing Tom Cruise the way the rest of us have for the last two years. Hallelujah!

We’ve seen that look before. And just look at Nicole Kidman now!

Let’s hope Katie keeps hiding those morning "vitamins" under her tongue and saving them up to drug the guard and escape.

Don’t forget Suri!

Britney Spears Angry She Had to Don Jessica Simpson’s Blonde Extensions

We knew those extensions Britney Spears sported during her super-craptacular dance number Sunday looked especially cheap.

According to Norm Clarke’s Vegas Confidential:

… she wore extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-u-Wear line, Vegas Confidential has learned.

Backstage spies say Spears pitched a fit. She had arranged for her own hair stylist to make the trip for $10,000 and “she wanted to go brown, but her people said ‘no way,’” said a backstage source.

Oh, the famous Ken Paves/Jessica Simpson Hair-u-Wear line. Allowing trashy mallrats across this great land to emulate their coked-out, suspended-license-defying idols.

Really, who needs a stylist when you have a mass-market line of Barbie hair at your disposal?

You can always cover up the bad patches with a well-placed c.z.-laden hand. Just like the stars!

Pamela Anderson Looked Extra Plastic-y at 2007 MTV VMA

Maybe it was the stress of her two class-act ex-husbands throwing down in front of the cameras.

Perhaps it’s just the unforgiving glare of the flash on some errant fan’s digital camera.

Who knows … but in this pic of Pamela Anderson with Kanye West last night, she quite strongly resembles a slutty Barbie doll.

We know. We know. But, this time she resembles a slutty Barbie doll, or blow-up doll, or tranny, even more than usual.

The thin, arched, painted-on eyebrows.

The waxy complexion.

The plastic hair.

Now all we need is one of our brothers to swoop in, tear off her head and hang the body from the chain-link fence out back and it will be just like our childhoods.

Good times.

Erykah Badu Strikes Wrong Chord With Bad ‘Do

Chances are if you’ve lost anything recently, it probably ended up in Erykah Badu’s hair. She showed up to sing for a crowd at Miami’s Chakra Lounge on Saturday looking like THIS. It’s like the Venus Flytrap of tresses. Some even think it’s where Osama Bin Laden is hiding. Just think–one eighth of that hair given to Locks of Love could help about a million kids with cancer! But she can keep her clothes. Even a homeless person would probably take one look and say "No thanks."

Paula Abdul is Like a Narcoleptic Tyrant

Paula Abdul is surrounded by assistants and stylists and, according to Page Six, she runs a tight ship.

"There’s a salon chair in her house where she gets her hair and makeup done every day. She’ll sit in it, set an alarm, and then, because she’s on so many painkillers, pass out while her hair and makeup guy gets her ready for the day. When the alarm goes off she’ll wake up, and God forbid the poor guy isn’t done yet. All hell breaks loose."

Abdul’s rep said, "There’s no alarm that I’ve ever seen."

This is what should be made into a reality show. It would be a nail biter!!

Can you imagine the heart-pounding, brow-sweat countdown for the poor makeup guy? Holding her pharmaceutically leaden eyelids open to apply mascara, he likely has one eye on the timer and one eye watching for a tell-tale flicker right before Paula startles awake and starts choking him.

Maybe we’re devious, but we’re thinking that resetting the timer while she’s asleep might be a strategy. In her drugged up state, she’s not going to remember.

Or, they could try shaking that Abdul munchkin upside down by her ankles and demanding more time for each morning’s Herculean makeover.