Britney Spears went to Winston’s in Los Angeles on Monday night with her assistant Alli Sims. While at Winston’s Britney is reported to have been in and out of the bathroom repeatedly, and was sniffing when she came out. She also changed her outfits twice, and when she asked the DJ to play Gimme More he did. Sounds like Paris. Britney left Winston’s about 2 a.m., and was subsequently pulled over by the cops. Thankfully Alli was driving. In the pictures it appears that Britney dressed as a pirate wench. This is the second time she’s gone pirate without going to a Halloween party.

The official CD cover for Britney Spears new CD Blackout is finally here, and it sucks. This is what happens when Britney manages her own career. The album is due out October 30, which is earlier than expected since most of the songs already leaked out online. Jive Records is suing Perez for leaving rough unfinished Blackout songs on his site, which the label says make Britney look bad. That’s not hard to do. Here’s a list of the songs that have leaked so far:

1. Gimme More (04:11) - LEAKED
2. Piece of Me (03:32) - LEAKED
3. Radar (03:49) - LEAKED
4. Break The Ice (03:16) - LEAKED
5. Heaven on Earth (04:52) - LEAKED
6. Get Naked (I Got A Plan) - LEAKED
7. Freakshow (02:55)
8. Toy Soldier (03:21)
9. Hot As Ice (03:16) - LEAKED (Cold As Fire)
10. Ooh Ooh Baby (03:28) - LEAKED (Fillin’ Me Up)
11. Perfect Lover (03:02) - LEAKED (Got Me High)
12. Why Should I Be Sad (03:10) - LEAKED (Stupid Things)

Britney is auditioning dancers today for her new Blackout tour. It should be called When Pigs Fly, or Three Little Piggies, or just plain Oink. I like Gimme More, but the rest of the album stinks like pig sh!t. It’s actually going to be entertaining to see video of Britney trying to make her 300 lb butt dance. She’ll probably just sit in a big lounge chair on stage eating Big Macs and glazed donuts, and washing them down with Starbucks fat shakes. You don’t think I’d actually pay to see her perform do you? Who knows, maybe she’ll make history by having a heart attack at the age of 25 on this tour. I might go to see that, if the tickets are free. The deluxe edition below comes with a free Cheetos offer. Sweet.

Britney Spears is only wearing pasties over her nipples in this uncut version of her Gimme More music video. The quality is really crap, but it’s the only one around right now. I hope her next album isn’t about a mommy who strips to make money to feed her kids. In reality, mommy will be doing Jenny Craig commercials just to support her Cheetos habit. The bonus I was talking about is in the pictures below. Britney still can’t keep her legs together when exiting a car, meaning more upskirt pictures. More news about the custody case. Kevin Federline is claiming Britney hit him several times during the marriage, and is likely to hit the kids too if she gets angry. She did attack that white SUV with an umbrella, and she did say she would “kill” a paparazzi she attacked in Las Vegas. The judge ordered Britney not to use corporal punishment on the boys. Poor Britney, she’s such a victim. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! … sobbing, mascara running down my face, ice cream on my lap, and walls plastered with Britney pictures … The end.

Britney Spears thinks she’s hot, and plays a stripper in her new music video Gimme More. The camera does a close up on her butt a total of 1,003,074 times, but she still wanted more. Once I went through Astronaut training where they spin you around, put you through 5 Gs of gravity, shake you, drop you, and beat you with rubber hoses, all in an effort to make you puke. I barely even broke a sweat. About 20 seconds into Britney’s video, I threw up everything I ate for the last week, plus the shoes I was wearing. If you feel brave you can watch a low quality version above, or you can download the high quality version for free here, here, or here. For the iTunes link click here.

A better version is called Gimme More Pills. It seems so much more real. Click here to watch it.

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Britney Spears got her interim California driver’s license this week, so a judge gave her limited supervised visitation with Sean Preston and Jayden James. The judge made the decision for Kevin Federline to retain physical custody in a three hour hearing. Most hearings only last 15 to 20 minutes max. Celebrity justice. To show the judge how much she cares about her two little boys Britney did not show up for the hearing. The judge ordered her to attend the next hearing on October 26. Federline was in court. Right now Britney is living in a Beverly Hills hotel for reasons unknown. Maybe because she’s on a Starbucks diet. I can see the pounds melting off her already. No wait, that’s a drop of water that hit my monitor. The rumors that Britney went to rehab are all untrue. Why would she think she needs help, when she thinks she’s already perfect.

There is some good news for Britney. Her single Gimme More is Number 1 for downloads on Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart, and rose from number 68 to number 3 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The Gimme More music video will premiere Monday on MTV and VH1. However, you can see Britney shake her SUV sized booty right now, since the Gimme More music video just became available to download on iTunes tonight. Click here to download it. Hurry up, Britney doesn’t like to be kept waiting.