Lindsay Lohan has denied the police version of events to Access Hollywood’s concerned Billy Bush.

When Billy e-mailed Lohan asking if everything was OK and if there was anything she wanted him to get out there for her, she responded, "Yes. I am innocent… did not do drugs they’re not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin’s mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."

Time to take bets on how long it will take before Tarin’s mom provides her exclusive story. Whether she did "almost hit" the self-destructive Lohan or not, the details leading up to the arrest are sure to be juicy.

We expect the tale will include slapping and hair-pulling, curses and threats.

And that’s probably just the stuff they witnessed Lindsay doing to herself.

Though Eva Longoria and Tony Parker received $2 million to give OK! Magazine exclusive access to their Paris nuptials, a la Star Jones, they still had sponsors pay for gifts for their guests. Pages Six reports:

Those invited to the insanely over-covered nuptials got $700 bracelets from French jeweler Van Cleef & Arpels, along with Bebe bags filled Vitamin Water, L’Oreal products for women and a Cole Haan kit for men. At least the lovebirds paid for their wedding rings and luxurious gifts for each other, but, "They didn’t purchase anything for their guests," said our insider. Even the tacky "Mrs. Parker" track suit Longoria sported before hopping on her honeymoon plane was a gift from Bebe, the fashion company she endorses. And with the press snapping the happy couple at every moment, swag-givers got plenty of press. Reps for Longoria, who’s now on her honeymoon in Turks & Caicos, would not confirm or deny details of the event to Page Six.

Ewww…

We know we’re supposed to be accustomed to the swag mentality and that it’s a big part of the fuel that drives the Hollywood party scene, but your wedding? For which you’ve already taken beaucoup bucks in exchange for pictures and private details?

Um…that’s French, because, like, Tony Parker is.

We’d also like to throw out – zuts alor!

And – ecoute le coude. Il chantait!

Why? Because we can. We’re classy like that.

The New York Daily News is sharing the juicy correspondence revealed when Lindsay Lohan’s MySpace account was compromised. Someone with exclusive access exposed the contents to the press.

Apparently one of [the 75 friends with access] gave the magazine access to "heated" exchanges between Lohan and her openly gay deejay pal, Samantha Ronson. Details of the affectionate correspondence appear under the headline, "Lindsay’s Lesbian Love Letters!"

Lohan allegedly tells Ronson: "Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die. … I want to marry you and have children with you."

Apparently Lindsay isn’t fussy about who changes her name.

"Go to bed babe," she wrote to her pal late one night.

"I love you. – [signed] Lindsay Ronson."

Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay. Sapphic love or not, didn’t you learn that you should be careful who you surround yourself with? Isn’t Samantha Ronson the one who sold you out to the paparazzi before you headed to rehab.

Sure, we’re happy to hear that you’re done with drug-and-whore fan Calum Best? But, what about the hot young Lamas? He seems like a nice boy.

If you’re going to go down this road, why not be a little more selective and pick a nice lesbian with your interests at heart? Have you tried Match?

We were actually surprised. This "exclusive" is apparently all about wearing the right clothes for your body, standing up straight, Spanx, etc.

Stars. Instant weight loss…

The first thing that popped into mind, after stylists of course, was crystal meth. Or maybe stylists AND crystal meth, the fastest route to sub-size-zero.

Next thing you know, the magazines are going to start telling us that the "secret" to weight loss is stop eating so much and get your ass in gear…and that, along with personal chefs, celebrity trainers, hours in the gym, and plastic surgery, is how the stars do it.

Hey! Wait a minute. That’s the Jessica Simpson story.

The AP has a good one this Friday morning. It’s a tale of an innocent, altruistic college student whose new cell phone has Paris Hilton’s old cell phone number.

As one might expect, dead-of-night hilarity has ensued.

For months, Shira Barlow’s cell phone was flooded with wrong-number calls and text messages, mostly between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Told they had reached a college student, callers refused to believe it.

"Baby girl, how are you?" one man purred in a foreign accent. "Why are you doing this?" a woman asked. "This is so rude." And there were several seemingly random references to "Paris."

Besides the expected where’s-the-party calls, Hilton’s old phone number has been the destination of supportive messages.

Then came the day Hilton was sentenced to jail after violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Messages about parties were replaced by dozens expressing condolences.

"People were scared for her," Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail last month. But when Hilton was released, a new crop of messages flooded in.

"It’s disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything," one wrote.

Barlow said she has resisted the temptation to pose as Hilton to get into exclusive parties. But she did message supporters "thanks so much," believing Hilton would appreciate it.

It’s situations like this that unlimited-text-message plans were born for. What a nice girl that Barlow, sending messages of gratefulness on Hilton’s behalf.

The new-and-improved post-jail Paris would likely return the favor if the tables were turned.

You! Stop the snickering.

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