Britney Spears has been banned from trendy Chateau Marmont. Here’s more:

Britney came under the management spotlight at exclusive Chateau Marmont after reports she was “acting weird”.

And it seems “acting weird” doesn’t begin to describe her latest act of lunacy, which saw Britney stunning fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her FACE.

Horrified guests were understandably outraged and demanded the management kick her out for good.

A source said: “The diners were disgusted. You wouldn’t expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint. Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable.”

Brit’s latest crazy antics – combined with the convoy of photographers who followed her to the strictly private hotel – were the final straw for stuffy bosses. Now her name has been added to a blacklist of former guests who are no longer welcome.

“Staff at the Chateau have been told she is not welcome. She constantly looked out of it when she came in and the guests began to make noises. The hotel acted before she made a huge scene. No one wants to be banned from staying at the Chateau. If she was trying to make a real go of her comeback then the people who visit the Chateau are the ones who could make it happen.”

Maybe the food is good for the skin, or maybe too many drugs make a person do crazy things. The irony is, Britney’s kids have better food skills than she does. Thanks to nannies, the kids have been using a knife, fork, and spoon to eat since they were born. Britney was raised by bears so she only knows how to use her paws to eat.

Britney is also saying she is going to pose for Maxim. Here’s more:

“Brit’s in damage control mode now. She’s been talking to the folks at Maxim about doing a photo shoot,” a friend of the pop princess tells OK! exclusively, referring to the popular men’s magazine that has been a career-boosting showcase for celebrities like Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria. “She wants to be on the cover as quickly as they can shoot her.” Britney’s decision to go for men’s magazine cover stardom is based solely on her past success with selling herself as an object of desire.

This might work if Maxim could find a snake big enough to cover up Britney’s body. If the snake could swallow her, then they could just shoot her head while it stuck out of the snake’s mouth, but the snake would probably choke once it got to her ankle. Photographers are already complaining Britney is so big the camera angle won’t be able to capture more than just her belly button, which is perfect. Just draw a face around the belly button with several gallons of body paint, and start shooting. No one will know the difference.

Laura Wasser, Britney’s divorce attorney, will be filing paperwork to formally withdraw as her attorney. Her new attorney will be Marci Levine. Here’s more:

The word we hear is that Britney was a problem client because she just didn’t listen to and follow the advice Wasser gave so Spears could maintain custody and end the war.

Do these attorney’s think Britney is a circus animal that just takes orders? Well, she is a circus animal, but think of her as a lion, who needs a lion tamer with a whip. Today Britney may start to understand what it means to have to take responsibility for her actions, whether she likes it or not. She’s a victim of her own bad behavior, and the secret witness (pictured above from today, and below from May 2007) will testify today against Britney in her custody fight with Kevin Federline. The secret witness is Fat Tony, who was a bodyguard for Britney, and was fired in the spring of 2007. Gloria Allred is the secret witness’ attorney.

The bottom line here is, you can’t roll around in the mud snorting oink oink oink, without people call you a pig.

Even though she was far away on a beach in Alicante, Spain in a bikini, 4’8" Eva Longoria has done something science could not, she made my gay friend straight, which is a relief because he was more touchy feely than a blind gay man. Many people don’t realize Eva doesn’t use tanning lotion or oil, she uses Canadian dark amber maple syrup, which gives her that perfect tan and makes her taste sweeter too.

Forbes released their list of Most Expensive Celebrity Photos:

1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s first photos – People – June ‘06 – $4.1 Million
2. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s wedding – OK! – Oct ‘05- $3 Million
3. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding – OK! – July ‘07 – $2 Million
3. Larry Birkhead with daughter Danielynn – OK! – April ‘07 – $2 Million
3. Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt’s adoption photos – People – March ‘07 – $2 Million
6. Anna Nicole’s wedding to Howard Stern- People – Sept ‘06 – $1 Million
7. Britney Spear’s son Sean Preston’s first photos – People – Nov ‘05 – $500,000
7. Angelina and Brad’s first photos as couple – Us Weekly – April ‘05 – $500,000
7. Angelina Jolie’s first visibly pregnant photos – People – Jan ‘06 – $500,000
10. Anna Nicole Smith’s son hours before his death – InTouch – Sept ‘06 – $400,000

Source: Forbes

Angelina Jolie made more than any other celebrity, taking 4 out of the 10 spots, 3 out of 4 of those pictures were due to interest in her children. It’s wrong to make big bucks selling pictures of your biological and adopted children when you’re already very rich. Jolie only started making the big bucks once she started dating Brad Pitt, and already had two adopted children. Brad has been good for Jolie’s career.

The worst mother award goes to Anna Nicole Smith however, for selling pictures of her dead son showing him just hours before his death. A real mother would never betray her son like that.

Notably not listed is how much, if anything, was paid for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pictures of baby Suri.

The best father award should go to Tiger Woods who revealed pictures of his daughter Sam Alexis to the world for FREE.

What appears to be a romantic dinner for newly weds Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, is really more publicity for Eva. Who invites the paparazzi to take pictures of your lunch? Eva does. Tony is her new career, and she appears to want this first year very well documented, and then she’ll cash out in my opinion. How long do you give these two? One year, two years?

Though Eva Longoria and Tony Parker received $2 million to give OK! Magazine exclusive access to their Paris nuptials, a la Star Jones, they still had sponsors pay for gifts for their guests. Pages Six reports:

Those invited to the insanely over-covered nuptials got $700 bracelets from French jeweler Van Cleef & Arpels, along with Bebe bags filled Vitamin Water, L’Oreal products for women and a Cole Haan kit for men. At least the lovebirds paid for their wedding rings and luxurious gifts for each other, but, "They didn’t purchase anything for their guests," said our insider. Even the tacky "Mrs. Parker" track suit Longoria sported before hopping on her honeymoon plane was a gift from Bebe, the fashion company she endorses. And with the press snapping the happy couple at every moment, swag-givers got plenty of press. Reps for Longoria, who’s now on her honeymoon in Turks & Caicos, would not confirm or deny details of the event to Page Six.

Ewww…

We know we’re supposed to be accustomed to the swag mentality and that it’s a big part of the fuel that drives the Hollywood party scene, but your wedding? For which you’ve already taken beaucoup bucks in exchange for pictures and private details?

Um…that’s French, because, like, Tony Parker is.

We’d also like to throw out – zuts alor!

And – ecoute le coude. Il chantait!

Why? Because we can. We’re classy like that.