We really wanted to entitle this post "Nicole Kidman, Fool, Was In A Rush to Marry After Escaping Her Unholy Union with Tom Cruise" but we feared that it might not be the best search-engine-appropriate headline.

And that we might spark the ire of an unnamed, wee-yet-litigious man.

Oh! And that we might sound too much like Mr. T.

So, the story, according to Page Six, is that Nicole Kidman reveals in her Vanity Fair interview that she was "secretly engaged" to a man she won’t name in between the end of her contract marriage to Mr. Tom Cruise and before she married Aussie country crooner Keith Urban.

But our sources say he was Lenny Kravitz. "They were even house-hunting together for a while," a spy said. A representative for Kravitz said, "I cannot confirm or deny it." A rep for Kidman said, "I don’t know."

So there you have it…unsubstantiated, yet highly likely…and not nearly as interesting as the picture on the cover.

Come on. Secretly engaged for a short time? That’s like being almost pregnant. Half the kids in school can claim that.

People Magazine is reporting that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden might have taken one more step toward making themselves a legitimate family. No bastard sons allowed!

After a late Friday night performance with his band Good Charlotte at the Hot 99.5 Lil’ Black Dress Party hosted by Perez Hilton at the Clarendon Ballroom in Arlington, Va., Madden was walking offstage when Hot 99.5 morning show deejay Kane announced to the crowd, "He got engaged yesterday. Congratulations, Joel!"

To that, Madden quickly glanced back over his shoulder but was otherwise unresponsive as he made a hurried exit from the stage behind brother Benji.

"We heard this morning," Kane told PEOPLE following Good Charlotte’s 40-minute set. Crediting he got the word from "good sources," Kane said he hadn’t seen Richie since hearing the news, but added he had offered his congratulations to Madden earlier in the night. "He said, ‘Thank you so much,’" recalled Kane.

"They’re very excited about the baby and the wedding. They want to keep their personal life personal," he added.

These two are becoming so boring. I guess we won’t be able to write anything juicy until the day they go to pop out the baby and it’s actually an Olsen twin.