Elliot Mintz attended Paris Hilton’s pre-birthday party last night, and he came dressed as a sort of Oompa Loompa. He’ll do anything for Paris, even hold her hair back when she’s puking, then wipe her mouth off with the shirt off his back.

This illustration from Pretty On The Outside captures the spirit of Paris Hilton’s escape to Hawaii.

Page Six is reporting that Hilton’s time in Hawaii was filled with the same antics we’ve learned to loathe, with Hilton in cahoots with the paparazzi and snubbing the locals.

"The paparazzi told us that Paris calls them herself," said a different source, who claimed a lensman told him, "We love her. She lets us know where she’s going to be so we can take as many pictures as we want."

The Four Seasons guest reinforced that impression, noting, "She was shopping at the Wailea concourse, strutting around, posing for the cameras. It was disgusting."

But Hilton didn’t tell the paparazzi what she was doing at night. "She slipped out of the hotel and went to the club at the Hyatt a couple of times," we’re told. "She made friends with a couple of local guys and made out with them there. I guess she didn’t want pictures of herself doing that."

Hilton’s loyal lapdog/publicist Elliot Mintz denies it all, claiming the reports to be a fabrication.

Who are we to believe? A lackey on the Paris payroll. Or the upstanding citizens and tourists of the islands.

Yup. A no-brainer.