Last week, when David Hasselhoff won custody of his daughters, he was seen out on the town celebrating victory, with a new gal on his arm.

But, apparently at least one press story documenting his gallivanting went too far for the Hoff’s liking.

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Hoff’s publicist, Judy Katz, says that Hoff wants a "prominent apology from ‘The Sun’ tabloid over an article titled ‘David’s Back on the Sway.’" The article, which has since been removed from its website, claims that Dave celebrated his court victory by "getting completely plastered" at Les Deux nightclub in Hollywood.

According to the statement, "Mr. Hasselhoff emphatically denies the allegations," adding that if he doesn’t get a heartfelt apology soon, "proceedings will begin next week in London’s High Court for defamation of character, and there will be a Jury Trial in 2008, at which time he looks forward to clearing his name."

This is probably a slam-dunk for Hasselhoff, but that drunken video isn’t going anywhere. His reputation has been safely established.

Britney Spears reportedly stormed out of a photo shoot for her new perfume last week and refused to return. Page Six reports:

"There was a shoot last week in L.A. for a new perfume she’s coming out with and something happened," a source says. "She got very upset and stormed out of the shoot and wouldn’t come back. She is not listening to anyone and doing exactly what she wants. But sometimes she doesn’t know best."

That’s what those silly directors get for trying to get Britney to act like a grown-up. Her perfume probably smells like a truck stop bathroom where all the hookers hang out.

Less than 90 days ago, Britney Spears left Promises rehab and the word from her handlers was that she had conquered her demons. This followed a bizarre 24 hours when she shaved her head, cried outside Kevin Federline’s house and attacked the paparazzi with an umbrella. Soon after leaving rehab, however, Britney made it clear that she felt she never had a drinking problem and was forced to go to rehab against her will. So it shouldn’t be surprising to hear that she’s once again drinking at all the Hollywood hot spots. Us magazine says:

The singer – who has repeatedly denied having a problem with alcohol – was seen kicking back several rounds of cocktails on June 15.

Spears, 25, hit West Hollywood hot spot Lola’s and hung out with four pals at a private table on the bar’s back patio.

“She had two Jack [Daniels] and Cokes and an orange-flavored martini,” Lola’s manager, Sylvie Haines, tells Us Weekly, adding that “her whole visit was pretty low-key and she didn’t seem drunk.”

Just one Jack Daniels shot is enough to get a grown man a DUI. If Britney didn’t appear drunk, then 2 Jacks and a martini must be like orange juice in the morning for her. No wonder Britney’s mom said she doesn’t want Britney’s sister around her alone, and without any supervision.

Pamela Bach isn’t taking her loss in the custody battle for her kids lightly. David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife recently lost custody of the former couple’s two teenage daughters to The Hoff, despite the Baywatch star’s tragic and hilarious drunk video that has taken over the Internet.

The former Mrs. Hasselhoff is reportedly in the process of firing her lawyer, Debra Opri. Does that name ring a bell? It should, because Opri was the lawyer who represented Larry Birkhead in the famous custody battle over Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. As you may recall, Birkhead fired Opri also. Does anyone like this Opri woman?

Meanwhile, Bach is looking into hiring K-Fed’s divorce attorney instead. Best of luck with that, Pamela.

Have a nuclear fallout shelter nearby?  Get there as fast as you can, as Armageddon is upon us.  That’s the only thing we can ascertain after hearing that Lindsay Lohan’s 21^st birthday celebration at PURE in Las Vegas has been cancelled.  Usmagazine.com broke the story today and, according to Linday’s rep, it’s old news.

“Lohan’s rep confirms to Us, ‘The party was canceled officially over 2 weeks ago. We were confused why PURE was even still promoting it. But lindsay will not be having the birthday party at PURE and is focusing on her recovery 100%.’”

Apparently, reps for PURE could not be reached for comment.  Most likely, they’re looking for their next train wreck.  We hear Britney’s searching for the ideal place to show off more of her lady bits, so this could be a match made in drunken child-star heaven.

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David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife must be in pretty bad shape if the courts gave him sole legal custody and primary physical custody of their teen daughters.

What? You haven’t seen the video one daughter made of the drunken Hoff? Around here, we call it "Her Cry for Help."

Now TMZ has posted footage of a proud Hoff out on the town with a buxom date mere hours after his inexplicable family court victory.

At this rate, news of a Baywatch reunion and a Knight Rider movie, all featuring Hasselhoff in his bloated, plastic-surgery-poster-child glory is surely nigh.

Of course, we won’t have much time to enjoy it, as the locusts and plagues will soon follow.