Reports earlier this week claimed Lindsay Lohan would be released from the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah as soon as this weekend. Dina Lohan contacted Access Hollywood telling them Lindsay will be staying in Utah, for now. It’s hard to know if Dina even knows since she always seems like she’s drunk. When she wakes up she probably has to clear away the beer cans to hit the snooze button. With a mom like Dina there’s little doubt Lindsay will stay clean and sober after her third trip to rehab. Hollywood can hardly wait to get Lindsay back. Every movies she’s made since Herbie Fully Loaded has bombed, and her music isn’t going to get any better with that raspy voice from cigarettes and alcohol. Nothing can stop her now. In the words of the queen of enablers Dina Lohan:

"As far as Lindsay’s health is concerned, she’s fine and she is back on set…. She will win an Academy Award for this picture… Justice!"

Jessica Simpson jogged so the cameras could capture her boobs bouncing in slow motion at multiple angles in her new movie Major Movie Star. Another blockbuster for sure.

While drinking in front of the Navy recruiting office on her break a young man approached her. The young man said, "May I join you?"

"That depends," she said.

"Depends on what?" He replied.

"Noooo!" She said with a slur, "Hand me that depends. I’m too drunk to get up and go to the bathroom."

Paris Hilton is back drinking, and allegedly drugging. Anyone surprised? Here’s more:

An event producer for 50 Cent’s Vegas party loaned Paris Hilton his room key so she and some guy pals could retreat to his room to "smoke" before the party last weekend. A wobbly Hilton then "chugged a vitamin water to quench her dry mouth," said a spy. Earlier in the day at the Kenneth Cole Reaction suite, camera crews were trying to catch her light up a hand-rolled cigarette pool side, but were blocked by security. Hilton’s rep made the expected denials.

No one thinks Paris is cool anymore. At one time she would flip off the authorities, and smoke her joint in public, and tell the man to stick it. Now, she is the man.

Most recently Paris attended the Emmy Awards and hit the bar hard. Afterwards she could barely stand, and tried to climb an iron gate to her friend’s house. She doesn’t take no for an answer. Too bad it isn’t legal to electrify the gate. If only someone could do everyone a favor, and direct her to climb the lion’s cage, and pet the pretty kitty.

Dave Grohl, from the Foo Fighters had this to say about Paris:

"Paris is f***ing lame. She’s more offensive to me than anything. She’s a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her."

Dave is a prophet. If he ever runs for class president, he’s got my vote.

Britney Spears needs better handlers and better excuse makers. But, we all knew that.

The lame blame game that swirled yesterday is being countered with details of Britney’s bad behavior before the awards show.

She arrived in Vegas hours after a scheduled rehearsal, was partying when she should have been working, and wouldn’t listen to the pros putting on the show.

And then came the thud of a performance seen around the world.

Page Six is reporting:

"The dance number was spectacular – without her," said our spy at rehearsal. "When the stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing.

Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything. The dancers were supposed to lift and twirl her in the air a few times, and that just wasn’t going to happen. The more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn’t do them."

Oh…but there’s more.

That unflattering costume? It was worn at Britney’s insistence because she thought it was "sexier" than what the professional were recommending.

Meanwhile, Spears was agitated because she didn’t like the outfit MTV had selected for her.

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset outfit. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn’t think it was sexy enough."

Wow.

Read more and see more pics

Keira Knightley is lashing out at drunken celebs like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, etc. Here’s more:

"With acting the mystique is what’s amazing. I love that it’s magic, that’s the whole point. The whole celebrity thing is not magic.

"They’re real people proving they’re s*****r than everybody else because they don’t even wear knickers. I’m not going to get blind drunk and then stumble out and fall over and puke up in front of people. I’m not saying I don’t do that on my own in private, but I try not to."

I love it when two women get down and dirty, mud wrestling, pulling each other’s hair, getting slippery, sliding all over each other, and breathing heavy. What I don’t like is when they forget about me, and go home together. Does Keira have to use the media to hit on Lindsay? Can’t she just use her Blackberry like everyone else? By the way, she’s not skinny, she’s just small boned.