The Canterbury Institute is illegally using Lindsay Lohan’s name in a "DON’T DIE LINDSAY!" ad to get attention. Right now they treat non-celebrities that don’t pay well, so they’d like to remedy that by attracting celebrities so they can jack up their rates. If you want to attract celebrities might I suggest offering massages, private rooms, condoms and lube, unsupervised day passes good for up to 3 days, and drug tests that are answered as a "yes" or "no" question to the rehab guest.

This weekend Lindsay will be leaving rehab. While in rehab she was caught having sex, and in possession of drugs. Plus, she was named in a divorce case for having an alleged affair with one of her fellow rehab mates, who happens to be married to a woman whose family is worth over $1 billion dollars. When she gets out I’m sure she’ll summarize rehab as "b-o-r-i-n-g."

Katie Holmes and Suri are still in Germany where Tom Cruise is still making his Hitler assassin movie. Katie and Suri are pictured here saying goodbye to Katie’s father, Martin Holmes, at the airport. Martin Holmes is a divorce attorney.

Suri is going to be a big star someday, but her parents don’t want her to be trouble. To make Suri looks cuter she now holds a red headed doll that isn’t as pretty as she is. To keep the boys away Suri has a boy’s haircut. To insure her future success her father is a rich Hollywood movie star. To make sure she can handle the stress her mother is a robot who is programmed to obey. To make sure guys don’t marry her for her money, her grandpa is a divorce attorney. And so Suri can see where she’s going, Suri eats carrots.

Britney Spears had a bad day that she both earned, and has been a long time coming. Her ex bodyguard entered a statement, and offered to testify against her in the custody case. Her attorney withdrew from the custody case. Later in the day Jeff Kwatinetz, Britney’s latest manager reportedly quit due to Britney’s "erratic behavior." So that’s what managers call crazy. It sounds so professional.

Here’s the worst part:

Britney Spears will temporarily lose custody of her two toddler sons to ex-husband Kevin Federline, sources told FOXNews.com ahead of the official ruling expected later Monday.

Commissioner Scott Gordon will order the boys, 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James, turned over to Kevnin Federline based on information that Los Angeles Family Court received over the weekend about Spears.

Britney’s attorney has asked for the divorce records to be sealed so the public won’t know what is going on. What will she do now, adopt foreign kids? Britney’s new album hits stores November 13.

In other news, Britney gave this black guy a lap dance.

Brad Pitt claims that he and Jennifer Aniston are still very good friends and that he just had to follow his heart to ensure he lived the life he dreamed of.

"Jen and I still maintain a deep friendship and have a lot of life together that isn’t erased in any way," the actor tells V magazine of the couple’s four-and-a-half year union, which ended in 2005.

"I don’t know how better to have handled [the split]. My view was, this was no one’s business in the end – at least in matters of the heart," he says. "The thing guiding me then was, you don’t know how many days you have, and you need life to be everything you need it to be." . . .

Adds Pitt, who now has four children with Angelina Jolie: "Those questions had to be answered before an attraction to Angie could be answered."

We’re curious about how Jennifer would describe their relationship. BFFs? Doubt it.

Oh…and here’s an Anatomy Lesson for Brad: That body part you followed out of your marriage and into Angelina Jolie? Clue – the heart is above the belt.

Got it? Good.

Read more. . .

Britney Spears went for the classy look on her first day of being single. She’s now wearing her boobs on the outside! If she can figure a way to wear her vajayjay on the outside, you know she will! She is THAT determined to show off her naughty bits, despite the fact that the bloom is definitely off that rose.

I’m bringing trashy back, y’all!