David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife must be in pretty bad shape if the courts gave him sole legal custody and primary physical custody of their teen daughters.

What? You haven’t seen the video one daughter made of the drunken Hoff? Around here, we call it "Her Cry for Help."

Now TMZ has posted footage of a proud Hoff out on the town with a buxom date mere hours after his inexplicable family court victory.

At this rate, news of a Baywatch reunion and a Knight Rider movie, all featuring Hasselhoff in his bloated, plastic-surgery-poster-child glory is surely nigh.

Of course, we won’t have much time to enjoy it, as the locusts and plagues will soon follow.

Don’t mess with the Hoff. Here’s more:

David Hasselhoff was awarded primary custody of his two daughters on Friday, his attorney tells PEOPLE.

Superior Court Judge Mark Juhas ruled that Hasselhoff’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, could visit the teen-aged girls on alternate weekends and on Wednesday nights for dinner, says lawyer Melvin S. Goldsman.

"If, down the road, the kids are comfortable seeing her more, Mr. Hasselhoff has said he will let his children see their mother as often as they want to," Goldsman says.

The decision marked a dramatic turnaround for the actor, who had been blocked temporarily from seeing Taylor-Ann, 17, and Hayley, 14, after a drunken video of the actor surfaced in May. Hasselhoff regained his parental rights when he agreed to alcohol testing, sources say.

After the famous hamburger incident, David Hasselhoff has emerged victorious in court! He has won temporary custody of his two kids.

The court hearing today was closed, secret. Hasselhoff went into court stripped of his right to visit with his children in the wake of the burger video. But we’re told the judge was stunned by the evidence presented by the court-appointed expert who performed psychological evaluations on the family.

We’re told the expert said Pamela Bach, Hasselhoff’s ex, was abusive to her kids, especially Hayley, the younger of the two. The expert also noted that Bach refused drug testing, among many other things.

Bach’s lawyer was on the defensive today, unsuccessfully attacking the expert.

Sources say the judge gave David full custody for two weeks, until the next hearing is held. Until then, the kids will live with him. (Source)

Don’t judge a bottle by it’s label. The Hoff’s wife is a bigger MESS than he is!

Wendy’s commercial + The Hoff = A video you can dance to till you fall down.

A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has suspended David Hasselhoff’s right to visit his children in the wake of the videotape showing the actor drunk on his living room floor. Hasselhoff is allowed to have telephone contact only.

On May 21, the judge will hold a hearing on the videotape and how it will affect Hasselhoff’s long-term visitation rights.

The judge also ordered that Hasselhoff, his ex-wife Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff and their kids meet with a psychologist prior to the May 21st hearing. The psychologist has the power to adjust the judge’s order after meeting with the fractured family.

Any good divorce attorney knows that accusing a husband of domestic violence, alcohol abuse, drug addiction, or child molestation in a divorce almost guarantees the wife will walk away with the house, and most of the husband’s cash and assets, even if he proves the allegations are false. Was Hasselhoff’s wife right to release an embarrassing tape like Kim Basinger did to Alec Baldwin?

It’s rumored the judge was cranky the day of the ruling because he didn’t find a golden ticket to the Willie Wonka chocolate factory.