The National Enquirer reports that David Hasselhoff has been hospitalized after having a drunken relapse. The Hoff’s rep. Judy Katz issued this statement:

"David had a brief relapse and immediately recognized the importance of addressing it with the assistance of his doctors. He is doing fine and will be back home in the morning".

The children have been in ex-wife Pamela Bach’s care for the last six weeks while The Hoff has been out of the country in Romania shooting "Anaconda 3." Mediation is scheduled for Thursday, and this incident may affect custody of the children. The kids might be better off with Richard Simmons adopting them. At least he’d keep them from getting fat, and having low self esteem. Of course then they’d have to start answering questions about why they have two dads.

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly entered the Cirque Lodge drug and alcohol rehab center in Sundance, Utah. According to sources inside the facility, Lindsay arrived over the weekend to start an "intense rehabilitation program that is expected to last a minimum of 30 days." The Insider reports:

The Lodge was named by Town & Country magazine to be one of the country’s top rehabs. For a price tag of $30,000 and up, the rehab offers privacy — with rooms for 16 residents at a time. Rooms boast spectacular views, Jacuzzi tubs and private fireplaces, and stars such as Mary-Kate Olsen and David Hasselhoff have reportedly sought treatment there.

Rehab has a bad reputation for being difficult. This one sounds like a vacation destination, "Rooms boast spectacular views, Jacuzzi tubs and private fireplaces…" Lindsay could get the same treatment by checking into a hotel near the rehab center, and just have counselers visit her every day. It should be obvious that Lindsay isn’t serious about quitting drugs and alcohol. When I hear she’s entered a rehab facility that forces you to wear black and white striped pajamas, uses guard dogs to eat you if you try to escape, is surrounded by a 15 foot fence topped with razor wire, and a moat that has aligators, only then will I be convinced that Lohan is serious about getting clean and sober.

Monday, wire reports said that the World War II movie "Valkyrie" would not be allowed to film on German military sites because its star, Tom Cruise, is a Scientologist. Now the German government has reconsidered, deciding that the story of high ranking German officers attempting to assassinate Adolph Hitler was important because it’s a rare positive portrayal of Germans during the war. ABC.com says:

The German ministry now says that, while it hasn’t received an official request from "Valkyrie" producers to shoot in the country, it would "look agreeably" upon any such application.

The source of the "Valkyrie" controversy seems to have stemmed from a posting on the Web site of conservative German member of parliament Antje Blumenthal. Blumenthal posted a statement Friday claiming that Defense Minister Franz-Josef Jung had pledged to her that Cruise would not get permission to shoot because of the purported danger posed by his Scientology.

"Valkyrie" is being praised as one of the "too few examples of military opposition to Hitler’s regime."

"The assassination attempt against Hitler is hardly known outside Germany," Fisser said. "We should therefore be delighted and welcome this wonderful opportunity to improve the image of our country."

German wimps. Just when you think someone will stand up for their beliefs and say, "we will not allow dwarfs into our culture", they wimp out. Think Jesse Jackson had anything to do with this? Sure smells like it. Actually now that I take a few seconds to think about it, David Hasselhoff probably made one little phone call. The Germans might be hoping Tom Cruise will use his Scientology powers to go back in time to smoke that Hitler dude and change the time line. It’ll never happen though, because if Cruise did take Hitler out, then Cruise himself will never be born. Hmmm, sounds like a win-win.

Last week, when David Hasselhoff won custody of his daughters, he was seen out on the town celebrating victory, with a new gal on his arm.

But, apparently at least one press story documenting his gallivanting went too far for the Hoff’s liking.

In an exclusive statement to TMZ, Hoff’s publicist, Judy Katz, says that Hoff wants a "prominent apology from ‘The Sun’ tabloid over an article titled ‘David’s Back on the Sway.’" The article, which has since been removed from its website, claims that Dave celebrated his court victory by "getting completely plastered" at Les Deux nightclub in Hollywood.

According to the statement, "Mr. Hasselhoff emphatically denies the allegations," adding that if he doesn’t get a heartfelt apology soon, "proceedings will begin next week in London’s High Court for defamation of character, and there will be a Jury Trial in 2008, at which time he looks forward to clearing his name."

This is probably a slam-dunk for Hasselhoff, but that drunken video isn’t going anywhere. His reputation has been safely established.

Pamela Bach isn’t taking her loss in the custody battle for her kids lightly. David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife recently lost custody of the former couple’s two teenage daughters to The Hoff, despite the Baywatch star’s tragic and hilarious drunk video that has taken over the Internet.

The former Mrs. Hasselhoff is reportedly in the process of firing her lawyer, Debra Opri. Does that name ring a bell? It should, because Opri was the lawyer who represented Larry Birkhead in the famous custody battle over Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. As you may recall, Birkhead fired Opri also. Does anyone like this Opri woman?

Meanwhile, Bach is looking into hiring K-Fed’s divorce attorney instead. Best of luck with that, Pamela.