24/Sizzler’s David Caplan received the following email from Lindsay Lohan’s 13-year-old sister, Ali:

Hi david this is ali lohan, i want everybody to know the truth out there. My mom is a single mom of four children she has always been there for us, she was my mother and father and still is. My father is telling all lies to people and saying he was such a great dad and was always there for us, my father was never there for us, My mom was always there souporting us. i think that the whole reason why my sister is upset with her self and not as cofident, is because of my dad not being around, and always staying out late and not coming home for days, he would come back home never himself, he was always was making excuses for his bad behavior . And would always blame my mother. He just wants everybody in the world knowing that he was a great dad. He wasnt that is all a lie. I just want my sister to stick throught this okay, and my mother and brothers and i are there for my sister 100% and have always been. I’ve wanted to say this for so long and get this out there and let everyone know that our family is like a normal family but of course we are put under a microscope because of lindsays fame, lindsay will be fine she is just going through a rough time right now but she will be fine. i know this for a fact. My sisters is just like a normal sister. her and I have so much in common. My mother and sister are huge insperations to me, they have made it through so much in there lives. Thankyou for your time god bless, Ali

Picking on people is my favorite thing to do and yet I’m somewhat at a loss for where to begin with this one. Am I too mean for making fun of a 13-year-old? Nahhh, she’s a Lohan. With all of the drugs and alcohol, they actually go by dog years, which means Ali is actually 91. What speaks to me most is not the fact that she doesn’t know how to spell, but rather that she didn’t take the time to press spell-check. As I’m typing this, the spell-check in our software is lighting up all the errors like a firecrotch on a clear night. Ali, you’re only ten freckles and an eight-ball away from your "insperational" older sister, so I do get the "so much in common part." Cheers!

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Puff Diddy. Dim Witty. Whatever his name is. If his "good friend" Sienna Miller can’t keep it straight, why should we be expected to stay informed?

The rapper/producer/designer/entrepreneur/baby daddy formerly known as Sean "Puffy" Combs has recorded a new song because he is suffering. According to Page Six:

SEAN Combs is mining his heartbreak for artistic purposes. Having been dumped by the mother of three of his children, Combs has cut a song titled "Through the Pain . . . a k a Kim Porter," and a video that debuted Thursday on "106 & Park" on BET. Hip-hop Web site Sohh.com reports Combs created the music video as a response to Porter’s appearance on CNN discussing their breakup. "This is how he’s coming back," the site says. "Basically it’s like, ‘You’re putting me through hell.’

Is he kidding? So much for symbolism and mystery.

This is the musical equivalent of those badly written tragedy books the publishers churn out to quickly profit from the 24-hour-news culture. Or those Law & Order episodes, ripped from the headlines.

If he’s going to milk this for sympathy and dollars, he’d appeal to more of the public by being more honest with his obvious song titles.

Kim Porter, I Know I Did(died) You Wrong, But Damn Girl That Sienna is Hot!

(My Baby Mama Just Had Twins) Meet Me Out for Some Cristal

Or, he could rip off…er…."sample" Lionel Richie and sing something like Once, Twice, Three Times, My Babies…But I’ll Never Marry You

Congratulations are in order. Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman have a bambino on the way.

E! is reporting it as fact, today, and the Internets are abuzz with purported confirmations from the pop singer’s estranged papa.

Xtina is still touring the Far East and fans have noted that she’s taken to wearing a heart-rate monitor on her wrist. Seems she may have been keeping tabs on her exertion out of concern for her tiny tummy tot.

Guess July 3rd is pregnancy-confirmation day. Any others ready to make any joyous announcements? Demi? Britney? Jessica Simpson?