Britney Spears lawyers filed an emergency motion requesting last week’s order to be modified to allow overnight visits with her children. Her lawyers urged Britney to actually show up for today’s hearing at 0830. Last night Kevin Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, released the following statement:

“The fact that a party, one week after a full court hearing, attempts to change the orders of the court, in the absence of an emergency or without any new facts, suggests a continued lack of respect and understanding for what an order of the court actually means.”

This morning Britney’s lawyers are arguing that Britney’s negative drug test is the new evidence needed to get her overnight visits. Britney is also asking for her mother to supervise the overnight visits. You might recall Britney gave her mother a letter telling her she may not be around Sean and Jayden when she is on drugs or alcohol, which means Britney knows her own mother has substance abuse problems. This makes sense to Britney. It’s kind of like a fox watching another fox, watch a hen house. You see foxes eat hens which are chickens, so a fox would not be the right choice to be sure another fox doesn’t eat the chickens. Federline and his attorneys oppose this suggestion, because Federline is not the idiot Britney thinks he is.

Britney didn’t help pursuade the judge since she didn’t show up for the hearing. Obviously her kids mean nothing everything to her, or maybe I mean her dog. Britney’s excuse is that she is suffering from insomnia. She just filled a sleeping pill prescription last night, and slept-in today. Now she sounds like Michael Jackson’s court appearance in pajamas. The judge did not modify the original order, but he did tell the attorneys to come up with a solution if they can, so they are currently in the hall hashing it out.

As for Kevin’s parenting skills, well let’s just say he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Britney, Kevin, Sean Preston, and Jayden James, all have pink eye.

Britney was finger printed and had her mug shot taken the other day for her hit-and-run charge. I heard she looks just like Nick Nolte in it.

You’ve probably been wondering what that set of images at the top is all about, and why it’s censored. Well, Britney’s vagina decided to make another appearance when she exited the car in another mini dress with no panties. Enjoy the NSFW crotch shot collage here. There’s a bigger close up NSFW shot here. There’s an even better close up NSFW shot here.

Update: Britney’s lawyer tried to excuse Britney’s absence from today’s emergency hearing she asked for:

She was planning to attend the hearing, and she didn’t want the hassle of wading through media at the courthouse.

Her lawyer must not be aware that Britney filled a prescription for, and took sleeping pills last night. Sleeping pills are legal drugs, so her drug test would still be negative for illegal substances and alcohol. Isn’t it ironic that Britney will "wade" through swarms of paparazzi every day, but won’t do it to try to see her kids. If Britney ran out of cigarettes, and the judge had the only pack left in Los Angeles in his hand, Britney would magically appear behind him, snatching the cigarettes from his hand before he even felt her breath on his neck.

Britney also didn’t show up for dancer auditions for her new "video and tour"? A source said:

"Over 50 girls waited for her to show this morning — for over an hour."

No one is more important that Britney. Not dancers, not the judge, not even her kids.

On her way back to the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas last night, Britney Spears once again gave the world a crotch shot as she was getting out of the car. Sarah Silverman gave a realistic impression of Britney’s vagina right after her performance. I almost couldn’t tell them apart. Click the image below to see the NSFW Britney crotch shot.

Britney Spears was parking at the Studio City vitamin store yesterday, with her dog in her lap, when out of no where a parked car ran right into her bumper. Britney screamed, "I’m a brainiac!" Those parked cars are a real menace. They load up on ethanol, then they get right in your way. Britney hates paparazzi, but she still asked, "Did I hurt my car?" She got out and inspected the damage on her car, then drove away without leaving a note on the parked car. Britney did keep her cool after the parked car hit her. At least she didn’t pull the umbrella out of her trunk, and beat that car into a small metal cube, but she did hit the car again when she opened her car door. Stupid parked cars.

Earlier we reported that Lindsay Lohan’s assistant, Jenni Muro, was the one who quit last night. As it turns out it was assistant number two pictured above, who looks trashy herself. Lindsay’s reps are now saying the assistant was relived of her duties rather than having quit.

None of Lindsay’s handlers appear to be able to say NO to Lindsay, so she keeps drinking and drugging. Maybe assistant number two was the first to say NO, and Lindsay’s response was "you’re fird, yer sir furd bith."

Since Lohan won’t appear on Jay Leno tonight, Rob Schneider agreed to appear in her place, dressed as Lohan with ankle bracelet intact, and perhaps he’ll give us a sweaty crotch shot.

David and Victoria Beckham dined at The Little Door restaurant, but before Posh exited David rushed in and blocked the crotch shot like the expert soccer player he is. David must know that Posh isn’t wearing panties. Maybe this was just foreplay. These two bring the heat everywhere they go.

On Saturday Posh was out with the kids watching the oldest boy kick the ball around with his soccer club. Hot momma by day, and naughty hottie by night.