Avril Lavigne made it clear in her Q Magazine interview that she is a total b!tch. Here’s what she said:

On her polarizing personality:
"People love me and people hate me, but I’m comfortable in my own skin and that’s what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you’re the loser, not me."

On her competition:
"Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I’m tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It’s good if you’re not easily ignored. And I’m not."

On her generosity:
"I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, ’Take it to Katrina!’ I also like to give stuff to people who are my ’workers,’ especially if they don’t make much money."

Avril is not easily ignored, but I wish Criss Angel would make her disappear along with Britney Spears. Looks like this report has a typo. Avril loaded six boxes of stuff, and told her assistant to take it to "Karina" not Katrina. That explains why the stuff ended up at her friend Karina’s house instead of in the hands of Katrina victims. I’ll bet if you asked Avril to point to New Orleans on a world globe, she’d hold her middle finger in her face, then stick it where the sun don’t shine. Sounds like Avril is doing her part by employing illegal aliens that "don’t make much money," so she gives them stuff, like her old cigarette butts, and canned dog food. Princess Diana may be gone, but thankfully we still have Avril.

It’s official: Britney Spears has become a caricature of herself. You honestly just can’t make this shizz up. On the night before she was expected in Las Vegas for rehearsals for the VMA’s, Brit Brit thought fit to do what she knows best…show up to a club wearing her token fedora/no-pants combo. Sponge Brit No Pants! Hole in the pantyhose sold separately. Us Magazine reports:

The night before she was expected in Las Vegas to rehearse her single “Gimme More” with illusionist Criss Angel, the perennial party girl, 25, hit up L.A. club Opera.

Accompanied by her cousin Alli Sims, Spears — clad in a cream fedora, gray mini-dress with stockings, knee-high boots and long pearl necklaces — settled into a corner booth around 12:32 a.m. (Her wig of choice? A blonde, shoulder-length number.)

“Britney was in a great mood all night, smiling, laughing, upbeat,” a witness says, who adds that Spears also smoked a few cigarettes and danced to Rihanna’s “Umbrella.”

“She was really getting into the songs,” the onlooker says.

Apparently, she worked up a thirst: “Britney drank beer, vodka cranberry and vodka tonic,” says the witness.

Sucking a lollypop, Spears left hand-in-hand with Sims at 1:45 a.m.

Alas, the two called it a night after hitting a Wendy’s drive-thru around 2:20 a.m.

Nothing says comeback like showing up half-cocked and bloated! You go Brit!

Criss Angel insiders confirm he’s only using Britney Spears for the publicity. Page Six reports:

“He doesn’t even really talk to her when they go out. This weekend at [club] LAX, they weren’t seated at the same table, but when the paparazzi were around he jumped in all the pictures. . . . The paparazzi all have his number.” Meanwhile, some of the stories leaked to the tabloids about how Angel was orchestrating a big VMA number for Spears using mirrors are false. “She is just doing a straight-up performance of her new single, ’Gimme More.’”

I hate to break this to everyone, but Crisco Angelo is mindf**king you all. First he makes us think he’s dating Britney, now he’s just using her, so what’s he gonna do next escape from a coffin after being buried alive? Sure Angel did escape after being buried alive, but everyone says it was fake, and David Blaine did it already in 1999 in front of a live audience. You know what this means? Criss Angel is really David Blaine. I knew that name sounded fake. I’m shaking right now, and I’m not even cold. This guy is good.

Us Magazine has confirmed with MTV that whorrendous Brit Brit will, indeed, be the opening act at this Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas. She’ll be singing the song "Gimme More," which is coincidentally what she says when she disappears into the bathroom stalls at clubs.

The pop star collaborated with illusionist Criss Angel, star of A&E’s Mindfreak, on "some of the moments of the performance," says Jesse Ignjatovic, the executive producer of this year’s VMAs. Ignjatovic said it was important to secure Spears, 25, for the big show’s opening number.

In a never-before mindfreakalicious treat, he will get Britney to actually sing instead of lip synch. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

"I guess, looking back, we’ve had a great history with her," he said. "I wanted to start the show in a very big and dramatic way, and she’s the one to do that. She’ll captivate everyone, and set the tone for the rest of the night. There’s no one better."

Though a Justin Timberlake source tells Us that rumors of a Timberlake/Spears duet are "patently false," fans should still expect to be surprised.

“She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” a Spears insider tells Us, adding that the goal is to make it “shocking.”

C’mon, do they actually think we can be shocked by Britney anymore? She could show up in astronaut diapers, a full beard, and give a horse a hummer on stage and we’d all just laugh and say, "Oh Britney!"

Three new Britney Spears songs have leaked onto the Internet. According to The Sun, she opens her new song Cold As Fire with the lyrics:

“I’m just the girl with the ability to drive a man crazy/ Make him come in my mouth/ Make him my new baby. “Little legend you can look but don’t touch because/ I’m cold as fire baby and hot as ice/ If you’ve ever been to heaven this is twice as nice.” The foolishness and f***ery and handling my bizness/ Holla if you hear me/ Can I get a witness?”

These lyrics are direct the mental institution. It must be Britney. Britney’s next single Gimme More (click here) opens with the lyrics:

“It’s Britney, b*tch”, she says as the track begins. “Every time they turn the lights down/Just wanna go that extra mile for you/You’ve got a display of affection/Feel like there’s no one else in the room. “You’ve got me in a crazy position/If you’re on a mission/You’ve got my permission.”

Click here to listen to the third song (Baby Boy) that leaked out. I listened to these songs with ear plugs in and my head still hurts. The New York Daily News has new details about her VMA performance with illusionist Criss Angel. Here’s more:

Angel will guide Spears in and out of a series of mirrors, making it seem as though she vanishes and then reappears several times, a source told the Daily News yesterday.

Other dancers in the complicated number are being called upon to harness up for simulated flight, the source said.

Britney’s music is so bad, if she offered to play at my birthday party, I’d be reborn just to change the date.