Britney Spears Angry She Had to Don Jessica Simpson’s Blonde Extensions

We knew those extensions Britney Spears sported during her super-craptacular dance number Sunday looked especially cheap.

According to Norm Clarke’s Vegas Confidential:

… she wore extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-u-Wear line, Vegas Confidential has learned.

Backstage spies say Spears pitched a fit. She had arranged for her own hair stylist to make the trip for $10,000 and “she wanted to go brown, but her people said ‘no way,’” said a backstage source.

Oh, the famous Ken Paves/Jessica Simpson Hair-u-Wear line. Allowing trashy mallrats across this great land to emulate their coked-out, suspended-license-defying idols.

Really, who needs a stylist when you have a mass-market line of Barbie hair at your disposal?

You can always cover up the bad patches with a well-placed c.z.-laden hand. Just like the stars!

Brad Pitt Opens Up About the Paparazzi

Super hot DILF Brad Pitt is on the cover of the October issue of Details.

Inside, he probably looks really hot in the pictures and then talks a bit about stuff that’s important to him and the paparazzi and…blah blah blah…what nice blue eyes he has.

“It is the defining annoyance of my life,” he says, emitting a deep, frustrated sigh. “I just think how strange it is for my kids. Mad, Z, Pax—they really believe that every time you go outside there is a herd of people with cameras snapping flashes in your face [who] are going to kind of block your way when you’re trying to get somewhere.

“That is their vision of the world outside. Very strange, isn’t it? It’s an everyday thing for them…

That would be weird.

Imagine walking to school with your angelic, famous baby sister and your blindingly gorgeous parents and having a mob basically escorting you.

You’d probably get so used to it, you’d feel lonely any time you weren’t surrounded by a dozen stinky, sweaty, yelling guys jostling each other and walking backwards in front you.

Boy. Therapy sure will be interesting for the Jolie-Pitt clan.

Nicole Kidman Says She Was Secretly Engaged

We really wanted to entitle this post "Nicole Kidman, Fool, Was In A Rush to Marry After Escaping Her Unholy Union with Tom Cruise" but we feared that it might not be the best search-engine-appropriate headline.

And that we might spark the ire of an unnamed, wee-yet-litigious man.

Oh! And that we might sound too much like Mr. T.

So, the story, according to Page Six, is that Nicole Kidman reveals in her Vanity Fair interview that she was "secretly engaged" to a man she won’t name in between the end of her contract marriage to Mr. Tom Cruise and before she married Aussie country crooner Keith Urban.

But our sources say he was Lenny Kravitz. "They were even house-hunting together for a while," a spy said. A representative for Kravitz said, "I cannot confirm or deny it." A rep for Kidman said, "I don’t know."

So there you have it…unsubstantiated, yet highly likely…and not nearly as interesting as the picture on the cover.

Come on. Secretly engaged for a short time? That’s like being almost pregnant. Half the kids in school can claim that.

Britney Spears Goes Topless to Lure College Student

There’s no other way to describe it, though US Weekly will surely try to flesh it out with gory details in this week’s cover story.

And, before all you Britney Spears fans come out of the woodwork to defend her in the comments and tell us to "leave her alone" and "let her go about her business" please take a moment to reflect on Brit-Brit’s recent behavior.

Inappropriate dress for dinner with the tots. Snubbing Victoria Beckham, as if Posh is beneath her. And weaponizing baby bottles and making expletive-laced threats in public.

Those who really love Britney should be alarmed, concerned, and fearful for her safety and the safety of her children.

Plus, somebody should really look into some kind of "Big Sister" program for her. If she’s so lonely that she’ll hop into a hotel pool with any ol’ extra from a video shoot and then smile for the camera, perhaps what Britney really needs is just a friend.

One who won’t sell their camera phone pics to the tabloids.

Louis Vuitton Bans Pilferer Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan appears to have made enemies throughout the industry. Now that she’s safely confined to a real rehab facility, folks are coming out of the woodwork to dish on her very bad behavior at an Elle Magazine photo shoot a couple of months ago.

According to the New York Post:

"Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot," said a snitch. "Lindsay, kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist’s assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items - which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper’s Bazaar for other shoots.

They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but . . . Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls." The issue hits stands today, in which she’s asked about the photo shoot and replies, "I wanted everything. There was this Cartier watch, and I was like, ‘What do I have to do to get this watch?’ "

Don’t you wish that just once, someone would answer that kind of question from the likes of Lohan with a simple, "Buy it."

These things come in threes, so along with Britney’s photo shoot shenanigans, we’re sure to hear any day now about another Hollywood bad girl bitching it up as she gets snapped for a magazine cover.

You’d think the headaches would drive the mags back to the more professional and generally more stable supermodels as cover subjects, but it doesn’t.