We never would have guessed that being sober would result in another opportunity to be "sponsored."

Lindsay Lohan’s no-go 21st birthday party in Las Vegas was notably going to be underwritten by a vodka company – controversial because the until-then underage alcoholic would be leaving rehab to attend.

According to the Gatecrasher, the Ginger is seeking another kind of patronage, this time for elements essential to her sobriety.

It’s H2O-a-go-go for the clean and sober Lindsay Lohan. Says a snitch: "A rep or assistant called Evian’s office on Tuesday, asking for free shipments of Evian to be delivered to Lindsay."

Let’s get this straight. The girl, who famously for smuggled contraband booze around in a water bottle when she was claiming to be sober, is looking for free Evian?

Will Evian bite? Maybe they can use it to start a new ad campaign.

What’s in YOUR Evian bottle?

And, Lindsay, is this some new 13th step to the AA process taught only at Promises?

"Profited from our addiction wherever possible and expected handouts at every turn."

It never happened. That’s what Bruce Willis has to say about those rumors that he and Lindsay Lohan had a short-lived "thing."

In an interview with the Mirror, Willis concedes that he has a rakish image and that his denials of hanky-panky with Firecrotch will fall on deaf ears.

“Here’s what you have to know,” he says with a hint of exasperation. “I don’t pay attention to the gossip anymore. I don’t look at it or let it in my house. We could go down to a newsstand right now and find five stupid things that are written about me, but I just don’t care.

“I stopped fighting it when I was a young kid and I was trying to find my way, just flailing wildly, figuring out how to handle fame. Setting the record straight… I couldn’t care less. Because no matter how many times I tell you I had nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan and never laid a finger on her – she just hung out with my younger daughter Tallulah for a minute – it’s still gonna be set in stone. It’s out of my control.”

Bruce, we believe you. Really.

In the time that has passed since those rumors were hot, we’ve learned that Lindsay was raised by a liar, that she has delusions of influential connections to an ex-Vice President, and that she can’t spell the word adequate.

Her alleged claims – and then public denials – that the two of you were hitting it off seem less convincing now than ever.

We’re just glad that rehab has reduced said Lohan hook-up claims. We’re bracing for the new wave of Lindsay-finds-love stories we’ll soon have to post.

And it makes our fingers cry.

According to The Mirror, Lindsay Lohan has reconciled with Calum Best and is looking forward to more peaceful living after she leaves rehab.

Fresh from rehab, the actress – who was 21 on Monday – says she’s looking forward to calmer days with Calum in tow.

"I have a boyfriend now and pretty soon I’ll be going home to LA, so everything will become much calmer," she says.

The folks in these pictures, reportedly from a Malibu party over the July 4th holiday, may beg to differ.

The man Lohan is on, doesn’t appear to be Best, and that doesn’t look very calm, though she does a remarkable job of protecting her cigarettes, dontcha think?

Of course, everything is relative and for the famed partier, this may be a quiet night. There certainly isn’t any obvious evidence of cocaine or alcohol. It’s an improvement, regardless.

Plus, could you swear that’s Lindsay and not Mom Dina in these pics?

Didn’t think so.

Lindsay Lohan had a party at a beach house in Malibu with her addict friends Samantha Ronson, Callum Best, Evan Ross, and DJ AM in attendance. Samantha Ronson is the DJ accused of getting paid to tip-off the paparazzi, and cops, that Lindsay had been drinking and doing cocaine the night of her DUI? Reportedly, no alcohol was served at Lindsay’s birthday party, which means it was a bring your own booze party. It’s hard to believe Lindsay wasn’t drunk when she put on those blue plastic high heels. It doesn’t seem like a good idea to still be hanging around other addicts who aren’t in rehab, which supports my theory that Lindsay is either still drinking, or mentally retarded.

Lindsay Lohan turned 21 yesterday, and she’s apparently celebrating by having her things moved out of her posh Los Angeles condo, so she can settle into a quieter place when she leaves rehab. The New York Daily News says:

… a West Coast spy reports that her belongings have quietly been moved out of her apartment at the Sierra Towers in L.A.

"The Sierra Towers is party central," says an insider. "Lindsay has made the decision not to be around that when she gets out."

Current and former residents of the glamorous address include Matthew Perry, Vincent Gallo, Cher, PJ Harvey, Evander Holyfield, Joan Collins, Peter Lawford, Fred Durst, Sidney Poitier, George Hamilton and David Geffen.

It’s not like Lindsay chose not to have the big Las Vegas booze filled birthday bash, she’s got legal worries. Lindsay’s lawyer, Blair Berk, is reportedly pissed that the cops released blood test results showing Lindsay had cocaine in her system, and her blood alcohol was twice the legal limit the night she crashed her car into a Beverly Hills tree. Lindsay knows she’s got to find a quieter place where she can hide out from the cops.

Lindsay did get a new iPhone for her birthday.

Lindsay will be arraigned for DUI on August 24.