Hilary Duff attended the 2007 Spirit of Life Awards with her two new friends. No not the ones standing beside her, but rather the two on her chest. They’ve really grown since the last time I saw them, and they look like twins. I love twins.

We can only tell that this is Lindsay Lohan and not Dina Lohan because we’ve seen other pictures of her in this dress. Which reminds us that we need to make a note, if you’re going to parade all over town, showing off the newest in scofflaw monitoring, you might want to think about shoes compatible with your anklet.

Is anyone else concerned about Firecrotch’s premature aging? She could easily pass for 35 and the "Coca-Cola" isn’t helping. You don’t really believe it’s just soda in that can, do you?

We know that the ankle bracelet is an alcohol-sensor thingee. But, c’mon, that thing is completely voluntary — a ploy conjured up to reassure the public and potential employers that Lindsay’s appearances at parties and whirlwind jaunts to Las Vegas in no way indicate that she isn’t serious about her sobriety.

She’s serious, see! She’s wearing an ankle bracelet!

Oh…you want to see the reports? Er…