Keira Knightley is lashing out at drunken celebs like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, etc. Here’s more:

"With acting the mystique is what’s amazing. I love that it’s magic, that’s the whole point. The whole celebrity thing is not magic.

"They’re real people proving they’re s*****r than everybody else because they don’t even wear knickers. I’m not going to get blind drunk and then stumble out and fall over and puke up in front of people. I’m not saying I don’t do that on my own in private, but I try not to."

I love it when two women get down and dirty, mud wrestling, pulling each other’s hair, getting slippery, sliding all over each other, and breathing heavy. What I don’t like is when they forget about me, and go home together. Does Keira have to use the media to hit on Lindsay? Can’t she just use her Blackberry like everyone else? By the way, she’s not skinny, she’s just small boned.

It’s reassuring to know that the Los Angeles District Attorney threw out cocaine charges, and recommended the judge give Lindsay Lohan only 1 day in jail for 2 DUIs. Now Female First says she was caught with drugs at Cirque Lodge rehab, much like she was rumored to be high while at Promises rehab, and they forced her to take a drug test, which she failed. A source said:

"Lindsay got called into the director’s office on August 15 and was questioned about drugs. When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the program she’d have to leave."

ShowbizSpy says she was caught having sex in the bathroom:

“Staff were alerted to the bathroom because there were strange noises coming from inside and two voices could be heard,” a source says. “When they opened the door, Lindsay was in a compromising position with the guy – who’s also at Cirque for drug rehab.”

“Rumors spread like wildfire across the place that they’d been having sex. When staff found them they were all flustered and Lindsay’s hair was all over the shop,” the source adds. “She was livid that she was given the miserable task of cleaning the bathrooms so the theory was she’d do something really dirty in there.”

Is anyone really surprised? Lindsay considers sex, drugs, and alcohol, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Obviously, she can’t live without them.

Britney Spears was stopped for speeding by the California Highway Patrol on her way to Las Vegas. She continued driving for about a mile with cops lights flashing behind her. When she finally pulled into a gas station another cop car was waiting for her. She gave the excuse that she was speeding because the paparazzi were chasing her. Cops bought the story, and let her go. One cop commented, "it pays to be a pop star."

I was caught speeding once and I told them I was trying to outrun the demons in my head, but they still gave me a ticket and called me crazy. I guess police only take a person seriously when they’re a celebrity.

Back at Britney’s house authorities are investigating claims that Britney is not caring for her dog properly. Madeline Bernstein, President of SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) in Los Angeles said:

"We have received various sources of complaints throughout the day. Some said that Britney’s Yorkie dog was injured and had a cast on, and some said the dog had a broken leg and was not treated. After the calls started pouring in, we did go to Britney’s house today [on Mulholland Drive] but were just able to leave a note with the housekeeper. The matter is not if the dog had an accident, but if the dog is getting proper care."

Britney probably ran the dog over when she pulled into the garage at 90 MPH, as she was trying to outrun the paparazzi. I guess I should just be thankful she didn’t run over Sean or Jayden, this time.

OK! magazine says that Linsday Lohan may have bought beer at a Utah grocery store last night:

This morning on Utah’s 97.1 FM, an anonymous called to report a Lindsay Lohan sighting. But unlike recent outings to Target for sunglasses or to the gym to work out, this time the beleaguered actress was seen purchasing alcohol! According to the caller, Lindsay, 21, and a large, older gentleman, possibly a bodyguard, entered a Maverik convenience store in Orem, Utah, last night (Aug. 21) and purchased some Miller Lite. When approached by fans for an autograph, Lindsay’s companion replied, "This is not a good time."

Lindsay was surrounded by, and followed by the paparazzi who would have gladly bought the beer for her, and said nothing, so this story is B.S. Wait a minute, wasn’t one of the paps a large older gentleman? Is he the same one who had his pants around his ankles, and a blond pony tail bobbing in and out of his crotch, minutes before he bought that beer? If you call a radio station claiming a cocaine loving celebrity bought a rot gut beer like Miller Lite, then you just might be a red neck, or you might just be the next witness for the prosecution in Lindsay’s DUI case.

Lindsay Lohan may not be charged for the cocaine police found in her blood, which was taken from her in the hospital after she ran her car into a palm tree scoring her a second DUI this year. It used to be people complaining that police weren’t doing their job, now they are, but the courts are handing down celebrity justice which means the evidence is thrown out, and the celebrity is free to go back to drinking and drugging. TMZ says:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ there is a "strong possibility" the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office will NOT file felony charges against Lindsay Lohan in connection with her two DUI arrests.

We’re told charges may be filed tomorrow, and the D.A. is leaning toward rejecting three possible felonies. Sources say the D.A. almost certainly will not file cocaine charges in connection with her DUI bust Memorial Day weekend in Beverly Hills.

As for her July 24 arrest in Santa Monica, the D.A. could charge her with felony cocaine possession, and bringing cocaine into a correctional facility — also a felony. But we’re told that the D.A. is inclined not to file those felony charges either.

That basically leaves misdemeanor DUI charges for both incidents. If Lohan is found guilty of both, she’d have to serve a minimum of four days in jail, and that beats prison, baby!

And we’re told Lohan’s mega-lawyer Blair Berk and prosecutors have been talking a lot and that spells a possible plea bargain.

Here’s what’s for sure: If Lohan is not charged with a felony, she is not required to attend Friday’s arraignment. If that’s the case, put money on it — Lindsay will be a no show.

This confirms my theory that tits have the power to change the world, and get hot chicks out of trouble. Wonder woman had a secret weapon called sex appeal. When she was losing a battle, she did what Lindsay does, just push her chest out, and once her foe was mesmerized she’d just walk away. The only positive side to all of this is seeing how pissed off Paris Hilton will be if Lindsay doesn’t even get a single day in jail, but instead enjoys nature walks in Utah.