Brooke Shields is a Princeton graduate in French Literature, with a minor in Italian, but says she spent most of her time making pottery, to relax. That explains why she doesn’t know basic everyday stuff like how to drive properly. Brooke told Extra:

… that she drove her car into her own house after her platform shoes got stuck under the gas pedal. “I really did drive into my house,” laughed Brooke. “I was wearing these fabulous sort of kick-ass platform patent leather. I was meeting the team at ‘Lipstick Jungle.’ I was all sexed out.” She continued, “I slowed down to what I thought was a proper speed. I went to go put my foot on the break and I couldn’t get my foot off the gas because the wedge was completely wedged under!” She added, “I slammed on what I thought was the brake and it actually was the gas.” Brooke then smashed into a pillar in front of her home! “I was fine,” she said. “The pillar, of course, was removed at which point I was like, ‘We didn’t really need that, that’s just in the way.’”

In the words of Homer Simpson, "Doh!"

Lindsay Lohan’s sex scene in I Know Who Killed Me is lame. Without the whips and lines of coke it’s hard to believe that’s even Lindsay. It failed to arouse me at all. Brooke Shields was more exciting to watch in her sex scene for the Blue Lagoon, in which the director was pinching her big toe to simulate her orgasmic pleasure. Pornos have better music, of which I have the soundtrack of many, and I play the CDs in my car with the volume turned up LOUD.

The guest list read like a Who’s Who in Hollywood and then some.

Predictably, Jada Pinkett Smith looked angry.

Avoiding smiling at all costs, Victoria Beckham teetered around on the most strippified, stripper shoes we’ve ever seen while narrowly avoiding flashing the cameras. Hey guys! Check out my new wax!!

And Katie Holmes appeared demure, classy and gorgeous as she towered over hubby Tom Cruise. Hey guys! Never mind Posh, check out the heels on MY shoes!

Also present to get their pictures taken…er…welcome the Beckhams were Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, Brooke Shields and husband Chris Henchy, and pretty much anyone else who doesn’t want to be on Jada’s bad side. Hey guys! You better not be writing mean things about my very close friends, the amazing and wonderful Cruises.

We’re not kidding…she gives the scariest evil looks.

Check out Jada’s mean eyes and see lots more photos…

Saturday night at the Home Depot Center in nearby Carson, California David Beckham made his American soccer debut for Los Angeles Galaxy. Despite fears that an ankle injury would sideline him for his first game, Beckham did indeed play, about 13 minutes in the second half of the exhibition match against Chelsea. (Chelsea won, 1-0.)

The stadium was full of fans and many celebrities turned out including Victoria Beckham cheering for her husband in a box with their three children, as well as Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise and Tom Cruise’s mother Mary Lee Mapother, EvaLongoria, Olsen, Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy, Alicia Silverstone and rocker husband Chris Jarecki, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Drew Carey.

The sold-out stadium crowd erupted in cheers even when Beckham simply stood up from the bench and began stretching. And chants of "Beckham, Beckham" took over the stadium as he entered the game after the 77th minute.

At the press conference following the game Beckham said of his injury, "The ankle has swollen up slightly, but that was going to happen. We’ll see how it is tomorrow."

"It was a good performance from the team," he added. "We just lost one nil. My 15 minutes, it was nice to get out there. I haven’t trained all week. I hadn’t kicked a ball yet today. It was just nice to be out there with the lads and get this game over and done with. I enjoyed it."

Today the Beckhams will attend the "Welcome to L.A." party, hosted by the Cruises, and cohosts Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, at the Museum of Contemporary Art in downtown Los Angeles.

The hottest item at the game, besides David, were the Galaxy T-shirts. The one who stole the show was cute little Suri with her million and one facial expressions.

Here is Suri Cruise with mom and dad taken 4-21 at the birthday party for Brooke Shields daughter, Grier Hammond. Grier and Suri were both born on April 18th, 2006 at the St. Johns hospital in Santa Monica.

Katie Holmes’ hair looks terribly unhealthy, and like it needs to be brushed. Tom Cruise always looks good.

What happened to Suri’s birthday party, did she even have one? Maybe Tom sold the pictures. He probably hired an entire circus with scary clowns included for Suri’s birthday. If Suri had a party, there’s no question it was cool enough to make Michael Jackson jealous.