Reality Train Wreck Alert: TMZ is reporting that Kim Lard-Azz-ian will pimp herself some more by doing a reality show on E!.

The booty-full Kim Kardashian is set to star in a new reality TV show for E! that will replace "The Simple Life," reports Gatecrasher. The network was originally going to develop a show similar to "Life" starring rock celebuspawn Kim Stewart and Kelly Osborne, but canned it in favor of a family-oriented show about the Kardashian clan. The show would feature Kimmy’s entire crew, including mom Kris, step-daddy Bruce Jenner and mimbo step-bro Brody Jenner.

As if we haven’t seen enough of Brody Jenner these days trying to get in the pants of every girl on "The Hills." And did they really just use the word "family-oriented" in the same sentence as Kim Kardashian? Really? Have we not all seen her sex tape with Ray-J? Next thing we know, Nickelodeon will be asking Paris Hilton to host a kids show entitled "Things That Go Bump In the Night."

Brody Jenner says he’s "horrified" by a profile written about him in the new issue of Details magazine. In the article, Jenner and his best friend/manager, Spencer Pratt, are characterized as scheming to make Jenner famous, partly by dating or befriending famous people, including Nicole Richie, who Jenner briefly dated.

"Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right?," Pratt says, as part of the pair’s alleged plan to seek fame. "You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that s–t, bro. You’ll be, like, a f—ng hero to America."

However, Jenner says that the article unfairly makes him look uncaring about those he truly cares about. What he means is, it makes him look like a player.

"I have broad shoulders and can handle what is written about me personally, but when I am misquoted or mischaracterized as exhibiting a disrespectful attitude towards someone I care about, I feel I need to clarify the situation," says Jenner. "I genuinely love Nicole … I would never say or do anything hurtful to those I love and respect. I’m sorry it was represented that way."

In the article Jenner also says the "whole scene" in Hollywood is fake. "It’s like a movie set, like my life is a movie set. These people, they all think this is real, but it’s not." All of Los Angeles is fake, and so are most of the people, famous or not.

Jenner’s mother, Linda Thompson, has also come to her son’s defense, saying, "He has always been fond of Nicole. He dated her because he really likes her. He doesn’t have to date anyone for any other reason than he really likes them."

What does this all mean? It means that Jenner is a player, and so are the girls he’s dating, but that’s the way people date in Los Angeles. It’s normal to be fake in Los Angeles, so Jenner feels like he’s getting a bum rap, and he is by Los Angeles standards.

Asked for comment about the story Details editor-in-chief Daniel Peres says, "Details stands by the story 100 percent."

Lindsay Lohan may be in rehab to curb her craving for drugs and alcohol, but she’s still addicted to sex. Lohan, 20, who entered L.A.’s Wonderland rehab center on January 18, has been sending Brody Jenner, 23, sexy text messages for the last couple weeks.

Lohan says in one text message, all she wants is "McDonald’s and sex."

When asked to comment on Lohan’s sex text, Jenner, who just signed a deal to be a spokesman for Scope mouthwash, said, "Sorry, dude. I don’t text and tell."

A rep for Lohan couldn’t be reached for comment.

Lohan is truly lame. Seriously, doesn’t she have a camera phone? If I were Jenner I’d be asking for nude pictures, of course, you can see those everywhere on the Internet already. Better yet I think I’d suggest she bang Mike Tyson, who’s supposed to be in the same rehab center, to loosen her up a bit so she could handle my enormous man meat.

Nicole Richie who? Brody Jenner killed two memories at once. First he found a new girl, The Hills star Lauren Conrad, and in the process he stuck it to another ex Kristin Cavallari who doesn’t like Conrad much, not much at all.

Nicole Richie dumped her bang buddy Brody Jenner, and now she has a new bang buddy. He doesn’t have to be anyone special, since Nicole is drawing attention with her make-up session with Paris Hilton. The news that the feud is over still did not manage to beat out North Korea’s claim of a successful nuclear test, but never fear, Paris and Nicole will try to top that.