Hilary Duff attended the 2007 Spirit of Life Awards with her two new friends. No not the ones standing beside her, but rather the two on her chest. They’ve really grown since the last time I saw them, and they look like twins. I love twins.

Britney Spears was out partying again with her smashed up white Mercedes, and it looks like she might have parked in a handicap space, or at least 3 feet into one. That’s gonna really piss off the chick who parks there when she goes out to party, which is why she drives a monster truck that she’ll park right on top of Britney’s car. Those bugged out eyes, blue contacts, crap brown hair that hasn’t been washed or combed in days, that too tight silk shirt with grease stains, and those lumpy breasts with nipples that point in opposite directions and rest on Britney’s belly, really get me hot. Britney used to make me puke in my mouth, but now my standards are pretty low, ever since I broke my arms. It’s rough. I can’t adjust myself, so I have to sit on my nuts to type these articles with a pen in my mouth. I don’t mind though. I do it all for you. You’re welcome.

Christina Aguilera may not want to admit it publicly, but she is…well I’m just gonna say it…she’s pregnant. I’m not sure how she made her boobs look smaller than her belly. My theory is duct tape and bungee cords. Unlike Nicole Richie who looks like a pregnant troll, Christina is beautiful, even when she’s not smiling. If she adjusted that lipstick a little she could make it look like she’s smiling, just like clowns do.

Courtney Love has poured barrels of drugs and alcohol into her body, and now at 43 years-old her body is literally falling apart. If your boobs can touch your belly button it should be a rule to wear a bra. I’ve seen perkier breasts on a zombie chick. She could do a public service message for drugs, naked. Seeing Courtney naked is bad enough, but just think how horrifying it would be for the blind who have to touch her to see her. The horror, oh, the horror.

Margaret Cho may be a lesbian, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a nice body. Cho did some naked dancing live in Chicago on 9-21 you can see here. When it gets hot in Korea this is how wives keep their husbands cool.