Mariah Carey Launches … Boobs

Mariah Carey launched her new perfume “M by Mariah Carey” at Macy’s in New York yesterday. Her hair looks so … boobs! Where was I? Oh yes, her sweet smelling perf … boobs!

Jaime Pressly Nude in Ultra Mag

Ultra Magazine, which I’ve never heard of before, published some old nude pictures of Jaime Pressly back in May of 2006. The issue didn’t sell that well. It could have been because Pressly looked bored out of her mind, rather than a provocative sex kitten. Another reason might have been the fact the magazine spelled her last name "Pressley" rather than the correct "Pressly." Normally I would be saying "boobs, boobs, boobs," but Pressly was so boring in these pictures, all I could think about was grammar and spelling. These pictures would have grabbed my attention more effectively if Pressly was dressed as a teacher with a ruler in her hand, and a wry smile like she’s going to break some rules. I’m going to stop now. I think I’ve said too much already.

Rihanna and Josh Hartnett Made Out

Rihanna and Josh Hartnett met at NYC hotspot Pink Elephant after Rihanna’s performance at the Nokia Theater in Times Square, then they made out. Us Magazine reports:

"He walked in and made a bee line straight to her table,” a witness at the club informed OK!. “Right away, they were dancing, drinking Dom Perignon and making out right at the table.”

According to the insider, the groping session lasted for about two hours before the pair exited the club arm-in-arm. “They didn’t come together, but left together,” the witness adds.

Looks like Shia LaBeouf is history for Rihanna. Her forehead looks too much like a Klingon from Star Trek for my taste, but she does have those two bumps on her chest that keep drawing my attention. What are they called? Oh yeah, boobs.

Scarlett Johansson Hides Pumpkins in Her Shirt

Scarlett Johansson is currently filming He’s Just Not That Into You with Bradley Cooper, who is rumored to be dating Cameron Diaz. Bradley’s next movie will be Yes Man with Jim Carrey. Although I don’t know what Scarlett’s next project will be yet, I am sure she won’t be playing someone smart, and if she did, it would have to be some sort of fantasy science fiction movie with an alternate universe where her boobs are actually her brains. This means, of course, that women would then be twice as smart as men in that movie, which is … well … only science fiction, not science fact, or is it? Do do do do, do do do do.

Angelina Jolie Has Bigger Boobs

Angelina Jolie has been accused of being anorexic over and over again, but this is a first. In Touch says Angelina is still growing in all the right places. Page Six says:

Her emaciated stomach nearly ruined In Touch’s plans for this week’s cover: "Is Angelina Jolie pregnant?" To protect its story, the glossy bought exclusive rights to the shots of her taut torso "so no other weeklies could run them," said an insider. In Touch claims Jolie gained 10 pounds in her chest, but conveniently cropped the photo above her flat stomach. "When Angelina showed up looking so skinny, they bought the photos," our source said. The mag says, "The most striking area of Angelina’s weight gain is in her chest.”

Emaciated implies anorexia or starvation, so how do boobs gain 10 lbs when she isn’t eating? Probably the same way In Touch claims she’s pregnant when she’s not. If Angelina had found something to make her boobs grow 10 lbs overnight without surgery, women from all over the world would be at her doorstep following her like the second coming of Jesus. I don’t pay that much attention to Angelina these days, and I would if her boobs had grown bigger. In fact I’d be writing about her all day, and I’d have a new category called "boob watch."