Last night at the FOX Reality Really Awards Danny Bonaduce was jumped on by Survivor contestant Jonny Fairplay who is 33 (aka Jon Dalton), so Danny threw him off. Danny had to get up onto the stage and let Jonny know he was being booed because he sucked. Not knowing how to save himself he jumped on Danny who had both arms at his side, and started humping away. Naturally Danny dumped him on his face. Jonny filed a police report alleging Danny threw him, and knocked out his teeth. If that guy came running at me I would have held my arm out straight and let him run into my fist of steel. Personal space is about 3 feet from a person. Just try jumping on the next person you see when they aren’t expecting it, and see what happens. No, really, do it. It’ll be fun. Just ask cry baby Jonny.

Officer April Harding told the AP that Jonny (Dalton) stated, "Dalton said he went to hug him and then when he did that, Bonaduce … threw him over his shoulder … and Dalton fell to the ground." He forgot the part about jumping on Bonaduce and humping him. Danny said, "I’m sorry he got hurt."

America’s Next Top Model winner Adrianne Curry says on her blog, "Danny Bonaduce Kicks Johnny Fairplays a$$, because of ME!" From the pictures she looks like a doctor, or a scientist, or someone really smart. Wait a second isn’t she running for President? No, on second thought, maybe she’s the girl always holding Fred Thompson’s hand during photo ops. Gosh I love girls that show up to black tie events in bikinis.

Kristen Bell will play Elle on Heroes this season. She’s supposed to have super powers that have something to do with electricity, and another one that requires pulling her finger. Seems like Kristen’s character Elle and water shouldn’t mix, but then they threw in a bikini, and BAM you’ve got a tasty margarita. I’d like to see her in another movie like the Academy Award winner she did in 2001 called Pootie Tang, only more water, soap, and fake doctors giving breast exams.

Christina Aguilera may not want to admit it publicly, but she is…well I’m just gonna say it…she’s pregnant. I’m not sure how she made her boobs look smaller than her belly. My theory is duct tape and bungee cords. Unlike Nicole Richie who looks like a pregnant troll, Christina is beautiful, even when she’s not smiling. If she adjusted that lipstick a little she could make it look like she’s smiling, just like clowns do.

Here are more pictures of Nicole Richie in a bikini in Hawaii. Nicole looks just like the girls I’d see at a swimming hole in the deep south. All the girls there wore bikinis, and although most were under the age of 16 and pregnant, the rest looked pregnant even though they’re not, because in the deep south 17 is considered old. If Nicole chained me to a bed post and gave me the choice of having sex with her, or chewing off my hand, I’d chew off my hand, and learn to masturbate with my other hand.

Ever since the naked picture of Vanessa Hudgens hit the Internet more stories of her sending nude pictures to other guys have surfaced. Here’s the latest:

…Ms. Hudgens, the perky-breasted, eighteen-year-old star of High School Musical, are actually stills from an autoerotic sex-video she made for Nickelodeon star Drake Bell two years ago.

According to THEM Weekly, Ms. Hudgens’ sex video, coyly entitled Open Me First, was made “as a gag Christmas gift” and emailed to Mr. Bell, who denies ever seeing it.

“Drake never opened the video-first, last, or otherwise,” said a representative. “He learned his lesson about opening email attachments, even from people he knows intimately.”

Those who have opened Open Me First-forty-five seconds’ worth of footage apparently filmed with a cell phone camera-were treated to a nude Ms. Hudgens sitting spread-eagled in front of a Christmas tree. She is wearing a Santa hat, Christmas gift tags about the size of silver dollars for pasties, and a red, mistletoe-decorated thong.

Does anyone think Vanessa would be stupid enough to make a sex tape, let alone take nude pictures of herself? Well, at least the sex tape is fake. Vanessa should work this new sexy image. Right now she should be signing up to do all kinds of movies that take advantage of her sexiness. She doesn’t have to get naked, she’s done that, all she has to do is tease the audience with her sexiness. It pays better than dancing with Unicorns, and walking a yellow brick road.