Danielle Lloyd is a Brave Blond

Danielle Lloyd launched the Ski Republic website yesterday in London, while braving the cold weather. On Saturday Danielle was making a fitness DVD when she walked right into a hot light. A witness said:

“The technician was a true hero. Without his prompt action she could have suffered hideous burns. She owes her continued good looks to this guy.”

After tearing off Danielle’s burning clothes, and smothering the flames with his naked body, the technician brushed himself off and thanked her for the best day of his life.

Britney Spears Parenting Coach Upset

Britney Spears managed to regain visitation rights with her kids over the weekend by finally cooperating with the court-appointed parenting coach. And, surprise, things went to shit. On Monday the coach submitted a “damaging report” to the judge, and once again Britney’s ability to see her kids is in jeopardy, according to an Us Weekly source:

The paperwork, filed under seal to LA Superior Court, claims that “[Spears, 25] paid her [monitor] no attention or respect at all, as if she were some employee whom she could blow off,” the source says.

“Britney’s often distracted and in her own world when she has the kids [Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1] and has a hard time focusing,” the insider adds. “She is adamant that she doesn’t have to listen to anybody - that it’s her way or the highway."

The coach is requesting that any further visits must occur in her office:

“She doesn’t want all the distractions, whether it’s the paparazzi or whatever else is going on. Britney needs to focus on improving her parenting skills and prove that she really wants these kids.”

Parenting coaches can sometimes be people who are in a position of authority, who have no control in their own lives, so they satisfy their need by controlling other people using their position as a parenting coach. This is also common in health care workers. Britney is like a wild horse. If you want to break her, then you’ve got to ride her hard. If the parenting coach doesn’t have the staying power, then let someone else have a try.

There’s more … The backup dancers who shamed themselves by appearing with Britney Spears during her infamous MTV Video Music Awards performance apparently have never been paid by Britney.

A source says they have yet to be fully compensated for their work leading up to the September 9 event. “The dancers were paid for the actual show and some of the rehearsals, but not all of them,” an industry insider tells Us. The problem may stem from Spears’ being dropped by her management agency, The Firm, on September 17.
“Her management usually pays the dancers,” explains the source.

If you ask Britney about those dancers she will say she doesn’t recall, but if you ask her about her last Big Mac she will get that hypnotized look and start to drool uncontrollably. Maybe the parenting coach should dress the kids as Big Mac. On second thought Britney might eat them.

Jennifer Aniston is Bald

Jennifer Aniston is apparently obsessed with keeping her crotch as bald as a baby. Star magazine says:

"She’s neurotic about bikini waxes," reveals Dawn Daluise of Dawn DaLuise Skin Refinery in LA, who used to visit the "Friends" set every other week to work on the actress. "She’d even call when there was no hair to wax, and she’d insist on having it done - literally making me wax off peach fuzz. She’s phobic about extraneous, stray hairs - especially around her bikini line. She’ll even tweeze them."

If she isn’t dating anyone, then what’s the point? I heard Michael Jackson got electrolysis so his hair wouldn’t grow back. I’m not sure if the waxing or the electrolysis is more painful, but I think I’d rather be dragged by a run-away-horse than have anyone ripping or burning hairs off my crotch. I’ve got my bush under control even though it’s natural. Right now I’m trying corn rows.

Victoria’s Secret Angels Naked

The Victoria’s Secret Angels got naked for the Vanity Fair November issue. Naked in this magazine is like bikini naked, where you see most of them naked, but for the parts you really want to see, you have to use your imagination. My imagination is picturing the Victoria’s Secret Angels serving me food and drinks, giving me a massage, and changing the television channels for me since I lost my remote. Click the thumbnail below to see the HQ image.

From left to right: Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, Karolina Kurkova, Izabel Goulart, Selita Ebanks, Adriana Lima.

Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglesias in a Bikini

That title is a little deceiving, Anna Kournikova was in a bikini, not Enrique Iglesias, but the gays probably love him more now that I put that fantasy in their heads. You’re welcome. Enrique is rumored to have an itty bitty teenie weenie, but apparently he’s just oozing with romance. Why else would a hottie like Anna stick around? I used to help people quit smoking, which is how I met many of my girlfriends. Boating looks like a safe activity, but I don’t take my girlfriends anyplace where there is toe tapping, clapping, or finger snapping. Why? I might lose them. You see, to keep my girlfriends under my spell, I use a combination of charm and hypnotism.