Mayor Bloomberg Announces Jay-Z and Beyonce are MARRIED

Mayor Bloomberg gave a press conference with Jay-Z and mentioned that Jay-Z and Beyonce are married, despite their trying to keep the worst kept secret a secret.

"… I see Jay-Z mostly at basketball games, ah, with his wife [Beyonce] …"

There you have it. Jay-Z and Beyonce really are married. You can hear and see Mayor Bloomberg out Jay-Z and Beyonce at about the 11:20 mark in the video below.

L’Oreal Denies Making Beyonce Look White in Their Ad

L’Oreal is denying that it lightened Beyonce’s skin tone for an ad to make her look like a white girl. L’Oreal said:

“We highly value our relationship with Ms. Knowles. It is categorically untrue that L’Oreal Paris altered Ms. Knowles’ features or skin tone in the campaign for Feria hair color.”

Yeah right.

L’ Oreal Made Beyonce Look White for Ads

L’ Oreal is in the middle of a photoshop scandal. In their ads they made Beyonce look like a white girl. Did Beyonce approve her look in the ads?

Beyonce Launches her B Phone

Beyonce Knowles launched her new B’Phone at the Samsung Experience Store in New York City the other day. Did they ever stop to think that B means other things besides Beyonce? The news was so earth shattering I didn’t report it the same day the news broke. Also happening that day, world hunger was declared world diet plan, and aids was cured with vitamins and exercise thanks to Tom Cruise. Here’s more:

“The Beyonce-branded B’Phone is a special edition Samsung UpStage SPH-M620 Sprint-mobile phone. It will be available in gold and burgundy colors, preloaded with a Beyonce-styled start-up screen, exclusive pictures and video clips including a song sung by Beyonce when she was 10.”

You can get the B Phone at Wal-mart stores starting November 4th. I’m going to sleep in that day.

Beyonce Knowles Nude

A guy named Bruce Briggs painted this picture, and he says:

This portrait has generated a lot of buzz. It exudes femininity at its finest. She graces the canvas with the perfect blend of innocence and sexuality.

A lot of people are saying she looks like Beyonce Knowles. I have no comment.

If this is supposed to be Beyonce, she should be livid. Bruce, who calls himself the Airbrush King and celebrity portrait artist, misplaced her nipple. It’s a good thing he’s not a plastic surgeon, or a nuclear power plant operator like Homer Simpson.