Barbie Wins Lawsuit Against Bratz

Just days after announcing the soon-to-be on sale S&M Barbie doll, which Mattel created to protect their brand, Mattel has won a lawsuit against a former employee who created Bratz while working for Mattel. A federal jury ruled in Mattel’s favor yesterday. As a result, MGA Entertainment, who manufactures the dolls, will have to pay Mattel a big chunk of the $500 million a year the Bratz dolls make.

Who’s the queen b!tch now?!

Britney Spears Angry She Had to Don Jessica Simpson’s Blonde Extensions

We knew those extensions Britney Spears sported during her super-craptacular dance number Sunday looked especially cheap.

According to Norm Clarke’s Vegas Confidential:

… she wore extensions from Jessica Simpson’s Hair-u-Wear line, Vegas Confidential has learned.

Backstage spies say Spears pitched a fit. She had arranged for her own hair stylist to make the trip for $10,000 and “she wanted to go brown, but her people said ‘no way,’” said a backstage source.

Oh, the famous Ken Paves/Jessica Simpson Hair-u-Wear line. Allowing trashy mallrats across this great land to emulate their coked-out, suspended-license-defying idols.

Really, who needs a stylist when you have a mass-market line of Barbie hair at your disposal?

You can always cover up the bad patches with a well-placed c.z.-laden hand. Just like the stars!

Pamela Anderson Looked Extra Plastic-y at 2007 MTV VMA

Maybe it was the stress of her two class-act ex-husbands throwing down in front of the cameras.

Perhaps it’s just the unforgiving glare of the flash on some errant fan’s digital camera.

Who knows … but in this pic of Pamela Anderson with Kanye West last night, she quite strongly resembles a slutty Barbie doll.

We know. We know. But, this time she resembles a slutty Barbie doll, or blow-up doll, or tranny, even more than usual.

The thin, arched, painted-on eyebrows.

The waxy complexion.

The plastic hair.

Now all we need is one of our brothers to swoop in, tear off her head and hang the body from the chain-link fence out back and it will be just like our childhoods.

Good times.

Lizzie Grubman Deep Fried!

Controversial A-list publicist Lizzie Grubman showed up to the Dave Matthews concert in the Hamptons looking like she’d done 1,000 spit rotations next to the shrimp on the barbie!  Even George Hamilton would surely have given this gal some SPF! 

The only P.R. she should be doing is for the American Cancer Society as the actual poster of what not to do.  If she’s looking for an idea of what she will look like in the coming years, she only needs to check out Magda from "There’s Something About Mary."

Paris Hilton Gets a New Bracelet

So by now I’m sure you’ve read that Paris has been released from jail after spending just three days there.  They claim that she was released to house arrest for "undisclosed medical reasons."  Last time I checked "I miss my widdle doggie woggie" is not a medical condition.  Neither is "these sheets are too scratchy" or "I feel scrunched in."  At any rate planet Earth’s favorite brain-dead media darling is no longer behind bars.  The sentence now reverts back to the 45 days minus the time spent in jail. They even counted Sunday night and part of Thursday as full days.  So Paris will now be spending 40 days wearing an ankle bracelet and restricted to 4000 feet in and around her Barbie dream home.  Now, instead of a 12 foot by 8 foot cell, our brave heroine will spend the next 40 days limited to having pool-side orgies at her luxurious home.  That will teach her not to drive recklessly and drunk.  It’s the equivalent of being grounded but you can do whatever you want.

With her early release from jail it’s unclear what happens to the million dollars Paris was supposed to receive for "writing" her Prison Diary.  Remember, to you and me that seems like a large sum of money, but for Paris that’s probably less than she spent on last months clothing, accessories, and vaginal rejuvenation surgery.  Let’s all send our thoughts and prayers out to Paris in this time of need and hope that she can attain an all-over tan despite her ankle bracelet.