Jennie Garth, pictured above, does a wardrobe check before performing on Dancing with the Stars. This is one of the few crotch shots that is totally SFW, unfortunately, but then again look who we’re talking about. Jennie used to be hot, but gravity and physics gave her a good pummeling. It could be worse, it could be Barbara Walters crotch shot. Mike Walker at the National Enquirer reports:

Gorgeous Jennie Garth nearly took a page out of Britney Spears’ Songbook For Skanks when she headed onstage to kick up her heels on Dancing with the Stars, then suddenly stopped and shrieked: “OMIGOD!… I forgot to put on my undies!” Beating a hasty retreat back to her dressing room, the ex-90210 star emerged moments later and giggled to production staffers: “I can’t believe I almost went out there and did the tango without my underwear…but NOW I’m ready!

I don’t want to make Ms. Walters sound disgusting, but if she were to forget to wear her panties, I’d prefer that she be in a mummy costume when that happens.

Rosie O’Donnell’s opening her giant pie hole (and cake hole, and nachos hole, and pizza hole) again, but this time it’s about something we like to hear…her beating herself up.

Although it is her unkind treatment of former employer Barbara Walters in the pages of Rosie O’Donnell’s upcoming memoir, Celebrity Detox, that has been generating headlines, the former "Queen of Nice" also bashes herself in her book – literally.

As a child growing up on New York’s Long Island, O’Donnell, now 45, would fracture her own limbs with "a baseball bat" or a "wooden hanger," she reveals in the book, reports The Insider.

In the excerpt, first revealed in Roger Friedman’s FoxNews.com column, O’Donnell writes that in choosing what to break she’d go for "My hands and fingers usually. No one knew. My secret."

Seeking to explain her motivation for the self-destructive act, she reportedly writes, "Proof that I had some value, enough to be fixed."

She adds later, "There were many benefits to having a cast. In the middle of the night, it was a weapon." Why she would need a weapon in the middle of the night is not addressed, Friedman reports.

Perhaps it was to fight off the bed bugs that fed off her fat…just a thought.

Prepare for the onslaught. Waves and waves of coverage of every baby-voiced utterance regarding her time in the big house are on their way.

As you know, Paris Hilton is scheduled to shed some crocodile tears on Larry King Live tomorrow.

Don’t worry too much if your Tivo stages a revolt and refuses to tape it.

Though Barbara Walters won’t deign to interview her, behold the Paris Penance Tour! You’ll have ample opportunity to witness her declarations of conversion behind bars.

Paris was released around midnight Monday, a touch of makeup on her face. A little blush, some lip gloss, but not that awful eyeliner she often wears.

Paris was clearly feeling good and had a big smile for everyone.

Parents Rick and Kathy Hilton picked their baby up at Lynwood and took her home to their place in a big SUV, trailed by ecstatic paparazzi.

So, the neighbors of Chez Paris had at least one more night of quiet.

That’s it for now. Surely she’ll release a statement when she gets up this morning.

As the hot potato that is the first post-pokey interview with Paris Hilton was tossed around, Barbara Walters deemed it unworthy, a potentially bad PR move and opted to decline the opportunity, allowing CNN to swoop in.

According to Cindy Adams, Walters had this to say about the jostling.

"Look, I’ve done prison interviews before, but people like the Menendez Brothers were really important news stories," said the First Lady of the Soundbites.

"This wasn’t. And even though I’d already written my questions, when all that pay-for-play stuff happened, I suddenly felt this was not up to my standard. It . . . felt . . . sort of . . .

Tawdry. The whole thing somehow was beneath me. Besides, it was a no-win. If I did a tough piece and her tears started to flow, it would be, ‘Oh, there’s Barbara Walters making people cry again.’ Too soft, and I’d be criticized."

Walters reports that ABC wanted the "get" for the ratings, but that they were "classy" about it and let her decision stand. Besides, she’d already interviewed the incarcerated socialite on the phone and been the first to report that Paris Hilton has "changed."

All this while Paris Hilton, the new voice for the disenfranchised, was (again) waxing altruistic and public-service minded in yet another phone interview, this time with Ryan Seacrest.

Beyond the thankful-for-her-pillow talk, Hilton let Seacrest in on her plans to build a facility to help end the recidivism cycle of female convicts.

E Online reports that Hilton said she hopes it will be "a place for them to go get food, clothes on their back, get them up on their feet. Especially the mothers. It’s just a really bad cycle. If we stop it now, we can make our community a better place."

All noble, but we’ll believe it when we see it.

Leopard. Spots. You know the drill.

Dry your eyes and don’t believe the Barbara Walters-interview hype. 

THE Paris Hilton will be back and ready to party.  The public, having missed her so, will surely welcome her with open arms.

It is going to be the hottest…party…ever!

The New York Post reports that the jailbird’s enabler father, Rick Hilton, is on the party-planning committee and has been making the rounds.

Page Six has learned that the celebutard’s doting daddy, Rick Hilton, was recently shopping a "Get Out of Jail" bash for his little girl to the top Las Vegas clubs, including Pure, the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and the Palms.

"He was originally asking for a $50,000 cash fee to be paid, as well as accommodations and flights," said our source. "Pure and Hard Rock said ‘no’ flat out, but George Maloof, who owns the Palms, didn’t say yes or no. He’s very good pals with Paris and is the one who once hooked her up with Britney Spears."

Oops! Sauer Snag!

It looks like last Friday’s order back to the joint, has put a crimp in Rick’s plans. 

Not to worry.  Page Six cites sources who think the delay will simply result in a party that will be bigger, better…and hotter, for sure.

Read more…