Kiefer Sutherland was arrested for DUI after 1 am after he made an illegal u-turn. He blew twice the legal .08 limit. This is Sutherland’s fourth DUI since 1988. By California law, if he’s convicted, he must serve a mandatory minimum of five days in jail. Here’s more:

Kiefer Sutherland was pulled over around 1:35 AM PST on the corner of La Cienega and Beverly. Sutherland was at the FOX Fall Eco-Casino party at Area nightclub earlier that evening. The photo in this story was taken at the event. Sutherland, who was stopped after making an illegal U-turn, was arrested for misdemeanor DUI and transported to the Hollywood Police station. He was booked at 4:09 AM and released at 5:42 AM on $25,000 bail. We’re told Sutherland was "cooperative and mellow" while he was in custody. According to the L.A. Sheriff’s Dept. website, the actor is 5’10" and weighs 150 lbs. Sutherland is scheduled to face a judge on October 16.

150 lbs and 5’10"? Maybe if he was a girl. Sutherland has been drunk and mating with Christmas trees for years now. I’m only surprised he is still allowed to drive. Several years ago Sutherland was in a life threatening accident. Doctors could see he had lost a lot of blood, so they sent someone to the liquor store so they could give him a blood transfusion, but they put their cigarettes out first.

OJ Simpson was arrested today in Las Vegas, and is in jail awaiting a hearing. OJ, and several other men, robbed another man at gun point. As a result OJ is charged with 7 felonies and one gross misdemeanor. OJ and his cohorts were also caught on tape. The tape seals OJ’s fate. Click here to listen to it. Here’s what was said:

OJ: Don’t let nobody out this room. Motherf***ers! Think you can steal my S**t and sell it?

Some guy: No.

OJ: Don’t let nobody out of here. Motherf***er, you think you can steal my s**t?

The tape goes on from there. It’s time to squeeze OJ until the juice runs dry. This time the glove fits, and so will the noose. Click here to see OJ in handcuffs.

You just know OJ is waiting for someone to say, “Punk’d. We got you juice. We squeezed you good and hard.”

On Wednesday Jude Law was arrested after allegedly attacking a photog outside his home in London. Law denied the allegation on Wednesday. The incident occurred after Law presented a lifetime achievement award to Michael Caine at a Tuesday night ceremony organized by GQ magazine. The photog gave this statement to the Daily Mail:

“I was at a bus stop near Jude’s house but I wasn’t taking pictures of him. My camera was still in the bag. He was by himself when he recognized me and started accusing me of being a pedophile and that all I wanted to do was take pictures of his children. I was shocked at his behaviour.”

Back in April of 2006 Jude did the exact same thing to another photog in Los Angeles, California:

After threatening the photog (”I’ll have you up for pedophilia!”), Law questions the camera-man about filming his kids, and the camera-man claims he didn’t realize he was filming them. Law then appears to slap the camera, saying, “Look in your f***ing camera!”

“You don’t film my f***ing children!” Law says again before hurling a few more obscenities, then leaving.

Last time I checked pedophiles hung around places where children play like playgrounds, and Internet chat rooms, not outside Jude’s house. How does he know pedophiles are even attracted to his kids? Besides, what respectable pedophile would want to date his kids when their dad is always assaulting them before they even get to the front door?

Lily Allen was arrested on June 28 for assaulting a paparazzi. The United States doesn’t like letting known criminals into the country so they revoked her work visa. Here’s how Lily responded:

"She has no idea why she was singled out for such treatment and found the whole experience distressing."

"I am trying everything I can to sort this situation out," Allen said. "I want my fans to know that I will do everything I can to be back in America in September. I don’t like letting my fans down and this is a situation that I am sure we can sort."

"It is my intention to play my American dates in September. This depends on the authorities granting me a new work visa. I want my fans to know that I will do everything I can to be back in America," she added.

I’m so disappointed Lily can’t get back into America. Now the streets are safer because criminals like her aren’t roaming around drunk attacking people who try to take her picture.

Click here to see the assault pictures.

Just hours before Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI, for the second time, her personal assistant Jenni Muro quit. Mabye Jenni was in her mom’s car when Lohan was chasing it at 2 am. The latest word is that Lindsay has checked back into rehab, but this time it’s not Promises. They should just rename it Broken Promises.

The drugs, alcohol, and likely jail time may have ruined Lohan’s career, but saved the public from having to watch more of her terrible acting. Lohan had started taking tango lessons in preparation for her new movie, Dare to Love Me, the romantic saga of a legendary Argentine tango dancer and the prostitute he loved. Production of the film, set in the 1920s, was scheduled to start in September in Romania with a 2008 release. Although producers have been briefed on Lohan’s arrest there’s no word on if they will replace her. A source said, Lohan had just secured bond insurance for her role. Such insurance, which is mandatory to get funding for a film, would indemnify producers if a performer is unable to complete his or her work.

This role is really perfect for Lindsay. She’s plays a prostitute that probably drinks and does drugs. I expect Lindsay’s attorney to use Britney Spears’ excuse, and say Lindsay’s drug, alcohol abuse, and whoring around was part of her research for a role she was playing in a movie.

Below is Lindsay and her twin brother Garth from Wayne’s World.