Owen Wilson Refuses Rehab Hires Sober Friend

Owen Wilson’s family has begged him to go to rehab, but he said, "no no no." He’s already been in rehab twice before, and it didn’t work, so this time Owen decided to hire a sober companion at $750 per day according to In Touch Weekly. The companion will also travel with him on a planned trip.

I hope this sober friend is a pot-bellied truck driver from Utah. What he really needs is a hot Playboy bunny girlfriend that is allergic to drugs and alcohol, and can’t stand guys that do that stuff. I’ve got a feeling that Owen loves women more than drugs. Sometimes I get these feelings and start writing down numbers that turn out to be the winning lottery numbers. My friends say I’m psychic, and want me to get them all rich, but I only seem to be able to write down the numbers for lotteries that have already happened.