Owen Wilson Attempts Suicide

The National Enquirer claims that Owen Wilson (38) attempted suicide by cutting his wrist, and overdosing on drugs. He was taken to St. John’s hospital in Santa Monica, California on Sunday afternoon. Entertainment Tonight reported that Wilson later was transferred to Cedars-Sinai to undergo detoxification. Entertainment Tonight also reported that Wilson’s brother, Luke Wilson , was seen leaving Cedars-Sinai Sunday night with brother Andrew. The brothers reportedly drove off with an unidentified woman. Andrew is said to have found Owen at his Santa Monica home and called 911.

Owen released a statement neither confirming nor denying anything. He said he would like his privacy while he receives treatment.

Kate Hudson must be really good at getting guys to fall in love with her. Owen is obviously suffering from a broken heart. One of these days science will finish their work on robot women that love men unconditionally, and are programmed to please them in ways that a flesh and blood woman wouldn’t understand. For now though, Owen can turn to online dating services, and porn.