Oscar de La Hoya in Fishnet Stockings

I’m not going to lie and say I was shocked to see Oscar de La Hoya in fishnet stockings. I’ve been expecting something like this for years. The lines that divided the sexes, the races, levels of intelligence, levels of health, and more are all being broken down. Pretty soon we’re all going to be either people without individual identities, or blobs of infected puss. These photos of Oscar were sold for $70,000 by Milana Dravnel, who was his ex girlfriend. Here’s what she said:

The photos are being peddled by a Scores West dancer, according to R. Couri Hay, the Gotham magazine columnist who scored the first interview with the twentysomething woman.

"She says she took the photos at the Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia on May 17," Hay tells us. "I fully believe she is telling the truth. She had been reluctant to talk. But now that she’s being called a liar, she’s ready to sell her story. And, believe me, she has a lot of details."

I love that. She’s willing to “SELL,” not tell, her side of the story, and you better have the bucks cause she don’t screw people for free. Here’s what he said:

Embarrassing photos allegedly of boxing legend Oscar De La Hoya in drag circulated on the Internet yesterday, showing what X17online.com claimed was the fighter in a fishnet outfit, heels, ladies’ underwear and a wig. But Ramiro Gonzalez, a rep for De La Hoya’s Golden Boy Promotions, said, "Our position is that they are doctored pictures. We have our lawyers looking into this and we have no further comment." The shots were sold to the site by a former Scores West stripper who claims she met the boxer more than a year ago and role-played with him. "He would call himself Goldie," a middleman told us.

When I was thirteen years old, I started to really like girls, and I was curious, so I snuck into a girls bathroom. I hid in the first stall with the door closed, so I could peek through the crack hoping to see girls changing. Instead of changing, several girls saddled up on the toilets in the other stalls. They were even talking to each other while they let out the loudest and smelliest farts I’ve every experienced. One girl even slipped a tampon under the dividing wall for the other to borrow, and by borrow I don’t mean return when she’s done with it. The bell rang, and the girls left the bathroom, which allowed me to make my escape. I lost interest in girls after that until high school, when a surge of hormones dropped my IQ by about 100 points. I expect this is what happened to Oscar the day he dressed up in fishnet stockings at the request of a stripper he wanted to bone. At the time he could say at least he didn’t have to pay for it, but he will now.