Lily Allen with Half the Fat

Lily Allen says hypnosis helped her slim down from a size 12 down to a size 8. Us Magazine reports:

Allen slimmed down with the help of Susan Hepburn, an accredited hypno therapist and psychotherapist who charges approximately $600 an hour to implant subconscious messages into clients’ minds reminding them to stop eating when they feel full.

"After the hypnotism, I want to go to the gym every day, otherwise I feel really bad,” Allen, 22, said. “I just want to get more toned and healthy. I’m really good about everything at the moment — I’ve never been happier.”

If the hypnosis helped so much then why is she still drinking and smoking? Oh that’s right, drinking and smoking makes your skin look younger, and keeps you from getting colds. I used to run this assisted help center for fat people. My clients were fat and ugly, but I couldn’t do anything about the ugly, and losing weight didn’t really help them make new friends, since they got really cranky and irritable from not eating. I didn’t implant any "subconscious messages." I just told them straight out, "you’re fat." Then I attached a shock colar and followed them around. If they even looked at a donut, bzzzzz zap! The cops shut me down when they discovered my work out program involved having my clients clean my house, wash my car, and carry me around in a chair like the ancient Egyptians.