Lily Allen May Be Arrested For Assault

Lily Allen just launched the Lily Loves collection at New Look yesterday. There were no lines, and very few people showed up to even see the Lily duds despite billboards with Lily’s mug on them around London’s Oxford Street. The clothing line launch is being called a flop.

Today Lily Allen is being investigated by police for an alleged violent assault on a photographer. Click here to see the pictures.

Police have been gracious enough to allow Lily a week to report to a police station or face arrest on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm. The charge can mean a prison sentence of up to five years.

If she does not respond within a week, she could be arrested at home. (Source)

The alleged assault is not the first of its kind. Allen was happy to smile and pose for photographers when the Brits awards took place earlier this year – but when she missed out on a top prize, she took off her stiletto and attacked a photographer as she left empty-handed.

Lily also says Kate Moss saved her from an all girl beat-down.

"These girls were beating me up and she [Kate Moss] was the only person who stood in and said ’leave her alone you’re being bullies’."

"They stabbed me in the ear with a beer can and cut my ear open, I also had two black eyes – it was a bit of a nightmare!"

When asked what provoked the attack, she said: "It was just girls being girls. I think one of them thought that I was sleeping with her boyfriend, which I wasn’t." (Source)

Lily Allen is a grown up BRAT. Until she learns to control her behavior we need to take drastic measures. First we’ll fit her with an adult diaper, like the kind astronut Lisa Novak wore, then we put a shock collar around Lily’s neck, and a camera helmet on her. The next time she tries to attack someone, BZZZZZZZ. The diaper will catch anything she does involuntarily. After a few hundred shocks we could put a piece of tape on Lily’s forehead, and laugh as she tries desperately to remove it with her limp noodle hands.