Jessica Alba is Vindictive

Jessica Alba used her time giving an acceptance speech to receive the female hottie award at the Teen Choice Awards, to inform the audience that she’s still pissed off at a guy who was receptive to her romantic advances back in grade school:

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now! [Ross] promised that if I kissed him he would choose me for baseball … I was still chosen last. I never trusted men again.”

Wow! Ross really dodged the psycho ex-girlfriend bullet on this one. Imagine if he’d gone to second base with Alba. She probably would have left a dead rabbit hanging on his front door, and scared all his future girl friends away by sending them a picture of herself when she was cross-eyed, buck-toothed, pigeon-toed, sway backed, and sucking her thumb with a caption saying, "this is what happened to the last girl that tried to steal my man."