Criss Angel is Using Britney Spears

Criss Angel insiders confirm he’s only using Britney Spears for the publicity. Page Six reports:

“He doesn’t even really talk to her when they go out. This weekend at [club] LAX, they weren’t seated at the same table, but when the paparazzi were around he jumped in all the pictures. . . . The paparazzi all have his number.” Meanwhile, some of the stories leaked to the tabloids about how Angel was orchestrating a big VMA number for Spears using mirrors are false. “She is just doing a straight-up performance of her new single, ’Gimme More.’”

I hate to break this to everyone, but Crisco Angelo is mindf**king you all. First he makes us think he’s dating Britney, now he’s just using her, so what’s he gonna do next escape from a coffin after being buried alive? Sure Angel did escape after being buried alive, but everyone says it was fake, and David Blaine did it already in 1999 in front of a live audience. You know what this means? Criss Angel is really David Blaine. I knew that name sounded fake. I’m shaking right now, and I’m not even cold. This guy is good.