Britney Spears will Kill You then Babysit Your Kids

Just days ago Britney Spears was involved in an incident where her bodyguard assaulted a paparazzi, and the first reports neglected to mention Britney’s lack of innocence. The AP says:

Spears yelled "I am going to kill you! I am going to f_ _king kill you!," at Andrew Deetz, the photographer who was allegedly beaten by Spears’ bodyguard on Thursday. The men were taking pictures of Spears and her children as they left the spa at the Wynn Las Vegas casino-hotel at about 11:30 a.m., accompanied by two bodyguards. One bodyguard, Cesar Julio Camera, pushed Henderson (the other photopgrapher) against the wall until Wynn security intervened.

Afterward, Spears ran toward Henderson but was stopped by security, and then threw a baby bottle at him.

Then, in front of several other hotel guests and bystanders, Spears threatened to kill Deetz and said he should get a restraining order against her because she was going to kill him or hire someone that would.

Las Vegas police issued a summons for a charge of battery to Camera, the only person cited in the incident. He could face up to six months in county jail and a $1,000 fine if convicted.

The paparazzi had probably just left church when they happened upon Miss Spears. They probably kept a safe unobtrusive distance while they took a few shots of their favorite celebrity to personally enjoy later, when BAM!, they got smacked down by Spears and her bodyguard. The paparazzi aren’t so innocent, but threatening to kill someone is illegal. Britney probably thinks that if you kill someone they just get back up like in cartoons.

More criticism of Britney’s parenting skills are coming out in the tabloids. Looks like Britney hasn’t been able to do anything right since she left the hillbilly hills. US Weekly says:

"Sean is having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying.”

Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

On July 22, Spears and the kids toured – then took over for several hours – a Pacific Palisades home, on the market for $6.5 million. Upon arrival, her bodyguard removed the FOR SALE sign, then went to her Beverly Hills home to fetch some of their belongings. The result was a home seller’s nightmare, with Spears and her kids trashing the house before money exchanged hands. “She ate tacos on the bedroom floor!” a source says of the home. “She got crumbs and grease everywhere. She let her babies and her dog roam the floor. She left the bed a mess – I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

The mag is rumored to have added…when Britney misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”

Well Miss Spears, I’ve been looking for a qualified baby sitter, and I think I finally found the right one.