Britney Spears on Suicide Watch

Britney Spears was so upset at losing physical custody yesterday of Sean Preston and Jayden James, after she turned them over to Kevin Federline’s bodyguard, she drove straight to Epitome, her favorite Bel Air tanning salon. Afterwards she checked in to the Peninsula Hotel. As she checked in a photographer knocked down a security guard, and while waiting for the police, more paparazzi fought each other. Britney then headed to the Van Nuys, California DMV, but was not issued a license. If the smile on Britney’s face is any indication of how she feels about losing her kids, she should be shopping, tanning, and clubbing nonstop. I haven’t seen her this happy since she found out Starbucks puts extra heavy whipped cream on everything she orders. Britney still faces charges of hit-and-run which carry up to one year in jail. Somehow Britney sees things as if she is Alice in Wonderland, where the paparazzi are the Queen of Hearts and her minions, the judge is the fat cat, and clubs are places where she can have spiked tea with her friends.