Britney Spears at 26

One day, I saw a wonderful old gal sitting on her front step, so I walked up to her and said, "I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What is your secret for such a long, happy life?"

"I smoke ten stogies a day," she said "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. All my life, I’ve eaten only junk food, drank Starbucks, and I put away at least a fifth of Jack Daniels every week. On weekends, I pop pills, and never do any exercise at all."

"Absolutely, absolutely amazing," I thought, and asked, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six," she replied. Britney Spears should really open a health and wellness center for women. Below is a side-by-side comparison of Britney for her latest music video. Notice how they digitally altered her to go from FAT to thin. A sure sign Britney is not happy with herself.