Angelina Jolie Drug Tape

The National Enquirer is rumored to have an offer to pay $70,000 for a video tape showing Angelina Jolie injecting heroin back in the 1990s, right about the time her career was taking off. The report source says:

"The key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, ’Wow, this is really good smack – not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.’ Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube."

This flies in the face of Angelina’s message that she’s done drugs, but drugs are bad. A tape like this could really soil her Mother Teresa image.

If the tape exists, and finally hits the Internet, the Jolie rep script will read, "don’t judge her by her past drug use, judge her by her present good deeds." With that statement, Jolie will become a burning Phoenix rising from the ashes, and will once again be viewed as Saint Jolie.